Ryan

fasthands135
2003-02-24 09:22:54 (UTC)

my mind

...lips...cheeks...jaws...tongue...never still a
second...mouth on fire...stream of words...in her
ear...practically in her ear...not catching the half...not
the quarter...no idea what she's saying...imagine!...no
idea what shes saying!...and can't stop...no stopping
it...she who but a moment before...but a moment!...could
not make a sound...no sound of any kind...now cant
stop...imagine!...can't stop the stream...and the whole
brain begging...something begging in the brain...begging
the mouth to stop...pause a moment...if only for a
moment...and no response...as if it hadn't heard...or
couldn't...couldn't pause a second...like maddened...all
that together...straining to hear...piece it together...and
the brain...raving away on its own...trying to make sense
of it...or make it stop. -Not I-
Someone told me today that i should have a diary and
write down ings. of course ive done this before. but it
reminded me to do it again. For one thing I shouldnt be
typing period. with my disc in my back all fucked up and
the carpel tunnel in my left hand. but if i dont do at
least something i dont know what. so im gonna type. im not
gonna lie my whole left side is fucking killing me. but
mainly only gets worse when playing guitar. but im not doin
this entry to complain about that ill deal with it.
Although guitar is been on my mind so much lately. Right
now my dad is sitting behind me playing the piano. with his
headphones on. Theres a lot of things i wish i could say to
him sometimes. Hes my hero. Hes an absolute genious and
most people would not understand this. Sometimes im
jealousof him. I wish i had the love for music like he had
it. the knowledge that he has of it. when my dad is not
working at the car place selling parts hes at home writing
music. writing studies. practicing through all the hours of
the night. My dad could of made it professionaly as a
pianist. but he chose not to. one day i was in his room and
i stumbled across his sheet music and all the studies and
peices he has written since he was a little kid. I found
thousands upon thousands of sheet music. and just looked at
it for hours. its beautiful. people that dont appriciate
the art of classical times and reading music would not
understand. my dad knows everything about every composer
from the begining of there life till death and beyong every
single one of them that did something amazing for music. at
least everyone before the 20th century. because frankly
contemporary classical music sucks sweaty hairy balls.
there is not one peice of music he cant play. His hero was
franz liszt. for those of you that dont know who that is.
well he was the greatest pianist ever to live. sometimes
ill go to a movie with my dad and he will end up talking
about music. liszt, paganini, chopin , wagner. everything.
and it amazes me. what he dosent know is theres nothing i
love more to hear then what is on my dads mind. I cant tell
my dad I love him and I cant tell my mom I love her. I
havent said it to them since , well i cant remember. So im
gonna say it right here where he wont see. i love you dad.
Ill end it at that for now.




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