blondeanddangerous

my most *excellent* friends

Ha! I would love to see the day my friends act like real
people around me. Except Marianne. She's awesome, and
Karin can be, but otherwise, icky. This podunk town out in
the boondocks of Iowa really has a bunch of shitty people
living here. I can't wait to get out of the smelly place
in five years. East coast, here I come! (Or Wisconsin,
t'all depends...)
I went to the movie Summer Catch tonight, and now I'm
thinking about the guys I like. Love. Want to date
desperatly but don't have the nerve. Like Brandon. I've
liked him since 5th grade. And still have never dated
him. Never told him I liked him. I've just been friends
with him. Really good friends. And I was the first girl
to ever give him a chance for a friendship that was
something other than for answers and stuff. Little genius,
but I never needed his help. I just liked him, and loved
being around him in 5th grade. And 6th. And then my
friends told him, and I couldn't even look him in the eye
until the end of 6th grade. By then, we were just
friends. 7th grade was awesome. We were really great
friends. And then other girls started seeing how awesome
he really was. And then we had a dance. He danced with
every popular girl. But not me. I didn't feel bad, even
though I made a pretty good wall decoration during the slow
dances that night. Not even Justin would dance with me.
What is it with me and guys anyway????
Then, this year. He's not in my class, and I'm going
nuts. I only get to talk to him once each day, band on
Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, band lessons on Tuesday,
and TAG on Thursdays. I miss him being in my class!
But now he's in the same class as most of the "popular"
people, and making quite an impression. And I just know
the first time he dates one of them, I'll just curl up and
cry. I love him that much. I just don't have the guts to
ever ask him out or anything.
And then there's Jill. One of my good friends. Not many
people really like her, and she's IN LOVE with him. I
can't stand it, but I just tell her that I used to like
him, and that Josh is hotter. It somehow makes me feel
better, for a while. It's like a sugar rush. It'll keep
you going for a while, but then you just start drooping.
Getting depressed. That's about how I feel.
And about Josh. I met him at church camp this summer.
He's awesome! He lives about 30 miles away from my little
podunk town, in a town even podunkier than mine, and
farther out in the boondocks, too. He's got an amazing
smile, an even hotter butt, and he looks GREAT in baby blue
leisure suits! (He was the coach in our 70's play at
church camp and he had to wear a leisure suit... he looked
DAMN fine that night!!)
But I don't like him as much as Brandon, and I just tell
people I like him like that because I'm too embarrased to
admit I STILL like Brandon.
I think I'm just meant to never date, and to never have
very good friends.
I'm also meant to spend the rest of my life starting
sentences with And or But.

"I'm not scared, homie",
Mara