spectre316

spectre316's journal
2003-02-24 04:14:01 (UTC)

the sweet smell of success

I love my mom.

I love watching movies with her. Whenever it happens. When
it does, it's amazing. She actually watches them, she
actually looks at the acting and the pacing and such. She
almost likes the movie experience as much as I do... it's
weird.

This only happens, however, when she doesn't drink. She
drinks often lately, and sits by her stereo and blasts out
sappy Barry Manilow songs. (If you want to know how much I
like Barry, go to amazon.com and visit the reviews section
for his Craptasterpiece, "Ultimate Manilow.")

Uh, anyway, the reason for all the drinking is of the
Patti fiasco. My aunt Patti has brain tumours, and has had
them for a couple years.

One night, at her home, in her bathroom, I think she
yelled for her husband (my uncle Bob) and he found her on
the floor with blood coming out of her nose.

She was rushed to the hospital, only to find out that she
had these brain tumours for a couple years.

Ah, God, I feel so like shit right now. Damn, I can't
believe such a thing could happen to anybody. I'm in a
pretty melacholy and depressed mood thinking about it...
ugh.

I love my aunt. I always took her love for granted,
though. God I was such a fucking asshole. I love her right
now. I loved her back then, too. I miss her, God, I miss
her.

..

Why does this have to happen to such a gentle, innocent
person? God, she loved everything and no one noticed!

I feel like I could go into her arms and be there forever.
Unfortunately, she's to die in less than a month, doctors
predict.

I'm sorry Patti. I obviously never noticed how truly
wonderful you were.

..

Okay, so, since this is my mom's sister, she's been
depressed and crying a lot. I feel bad usually, but for
some real shitty reason, everytime she'd want sympathy,
I'd always stray away from it.

Mom never seemed to notice. In fact, she said to
me, "Matt, you know, you're really nice."

God. I could cry right now. I love my mom.

My aunt Patti used to kiss me on the forehead before she
was ill. I hated it. I always felt like it was disgusting.
It was just a usual relative goodbye thing. But I made fun
of her behind her back for it.

Damn it.

So my mom's all depressed, and drinking lately. Apparently
she came to my play this weekend a bit tipsy as well...
some of the cast noticed she was a little off mark. It's
kind of embarrassing. I know why she drinks, but is it
really necessary?

But tonight she didn't drink anything but a Pepsi. We
watched the ending of "The Sweet Smell of Success" and
watched "In The Bedroom" together.

It was a great time, it was.

Oh yeah.. the play. It went... above average. We shot for
the stars, we did. It was the best play we performed since
two or so years ago.

I'm so proud of myself.

It was an old english comedy, written (word for word) in
the late 1800's, and the audience laughed at it and loved
it as well.

It was quite an experience. I'm missing it already.




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