lauren s

entry#8...

Whatsup ?! Today was aiight. I saw the girl that Chris
is going out with. Talk about insulting!!! He picked that
shit over me. Thats enough to make anyone cry. Ugh. Im not
going to get upset over him tho. Ill just be his friend?
Riiight, that might be hard. However it was A LOT harder
with Bruce and I dont really like him anymore. I am so over
that.
I am Jellous, in all aspects of the word. Its of a girl
ive never seen or met before. But heres the deal... me and
john went out last year. I broke up with him because It
felt weird kissing him because he was such a good friend. I
kinda knew it would be weird but i gave it a chance and i
was wrong, it always felt like i was kissing my friend. If
u get that.? Anyways, him and I are really good friends now
and Me and Him would always hang out with Alonna and Ben
who are my other best friends. Well ... it seems like John
has his eye on this Pianast (person who plays the piano,
however u spell it) and GET THIS .. shes on the bowling
team. He said that shes "deep" and "really sexy" i was like
Greeat John .. Well I guess Ben and Alonna and John and
this girl Alex are all going on a double date tomorrow. UGH
its like this girl has managed to swipe all my friends for
the weekend, and im really scared that if her and John do
go out i will be even more jellous and that she will keep
on distracting all my friends from hanging out with me.. im
not too cool with this whole idea. I dunno its so weird. I
think she should just forget about John .. or John can
forget about her, either one is fine with me.
GOD I WANT A BOYFRIEND SOOO BAD. I do not get it. I get
hit on all the time by these guys. ALL THE TIME. I mean if
one dosent hit on me i think something is wrong. And every
day this kid comes up to me and is like "Damn your hott"
and yadda yadda yadda.. to be honest it flatters me but
ummm it always seems to be that either i dont like them or
they dont like me enough to ask me out. I dunno because im
sooo confused. How hard should it be to get someone to like
you that you lke back just as much ? Im making this so hard
for myself.Ugh this sucks .. i want someone for the
homecoming dance, for my birthday, valentines, christmas
and for prom. I'll go crazy if i dont find anyone ..iswear
i will go crazy.
I dont know what it is all of the sudden but all i will
listen to is these slow type songs. Dont ask me but songs
like Destinys Child emotions, or Genuine
or any BaBy Face song... its all i will
download now... maybe it relates back to that wanting a man
issue i have right now, but uhh yeh just thought that that
was interesting.
Its sooo weird, Ive been having the re-occuring dreams
about my grandma that died last year. She was like my
second mom, nothing could describe the type of person she
was.. But i miss her a lot lately and I dont know whats up
with it but these dreams kinda scare me because they are
always about her dying and my grandpa (who is getting re
married soon) is always in my dreams. Its almost scary. I
should just start writing all my dreams in the begining of
each journal i write but ill start that next time because
my fingers are getting tired. So actually I'll go now...Ill
write back later

-lauren