ChellsterZ

Chelle's Thoughts n' collections
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2001-09-28 10:26:33 (UTC)

this could be interesting... 9/28/01

Hmmm...im actually starting an "online" diary.
this could be interesting.
just what everyone needs...an insight into my really "soap
opera" life.

ah wll may as well start it out with a "bang"...so here we
go.

Ive been kinda talkin with this really sweet guy..actually
we are gonna go to the movies on saturday and stuff..*yay*!
but who knows what will come of that.

ive been asked out by like 4 people in the last 2weeks so
its been kinda rough.

then the ex decides all the sudden out of the blue to
call...and mess my thought process all up.
see...collectively we dated over a year...n' so of course
even with all the hell it was...i was quite attached and
hell in love.
I'd talked to him earlier in the summer but decided that
things were just done over and out for good.
and just when i finally convince myself of that *Wham*
there comes the call tellin me he still loves me.
n then he wants an answer as to how i feel.

haha i had no clue how i felt right off the bat.

haha maybe i should provide alil insight to all this
first...

see we go WAY back.
he was by far my first real true "love" that i'da done
anything for.
but i got burnt badly with cheating and lying and all of
that good for nothing stuff...
but somehow i still always managed to look past that n love
the guy anyways.
b and i really had a "special" type of relationship i
suppose because we talked ALL the time.
it was like illegal to go a day or 2 without talking to one
another on the phone or something.
it was rough cuz he lived up in MI and im in ohio..but we
made it work and would see eachother on the weekends and
stuff.

but now what?
i mean...even if u do still love the person...do you tell
them?
is there even a justifiable reason to bring up feelings
from the past that have been burried for the SECOND time?

people constantly tell me "listen to your heart"
well what in gods name do u do when that always leads ya to
nothin but shittiness??

i dunno b had a HUGE effect into why i am like i am now.
i went from kinda the sweet innocent cant~hurt~a~fly
chick...to now im kinda sarcastic and bitchy and dont trust
hardly anyone.
i think deep down its just paranoia of getting hurt.
could be why every time i try to date and find a really
great person...i always go and mess it up for some really
stupid reason.
kinda like "i cant date u...because ur name really annoys
me"..or some lamer excuse like that.

sometimes i wish i could be one of those "severely
coruptable chicks" thats just "in it for the sex"...but i
never quite seem to pull that one off.
BLAH!

ah well i would figure u will here many more misc.
ramblings on this topic and others in the future
for now
~chelle~


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