dying of self-infatuation
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i've realized something, i don't have very many people i
can call friends. acquaintences sure, i've got a lot. but
most of those relationships haven't progressed very much
past just that acquiantences. and that sucks. all i have
is chit chat. and chit chat is fine for what it is, but it
can't sustain a conversation. i want indepth discussion on
meaningful ideas. something with passion. i'm not
satisfied with chit chat. but i have no one to talk to.
and no one talks to me.
beyond conversation i've realized that a great measure of
friendship is quite the opposite: silence. you can tell
how good of friends you are with someone by how comfortable
the silence is. awkward silence can kill.
party friends... well i have a lot of party friends. but a
lot of it seems to be very superficial. like we are
friends. we say hi. we hug. whatever. i love that
shit. but party friends don't have deep roots. i want
deep roots with people. not just this surface bullshit.
there are some exceptions. but not enough.