Mark

Honor Among Thieves
2003-02-22 14:43:55 (UTC)

Fear

I have this huge fear.....I wrote some more songs
tonight...about 3....I need to put them to music...but
why? I ask myself that all the time....because I am soo
scared to let anyone hear them. Although I know that I am
better than some of this crap they put on the radio. But I
am too scared to get up there on stage and let people I
dont know hear me, hell, I am scared to let people that I
know hear me. I am trying to get over it, I mean I am so
bad that I had trouble playing in front or a mirror at
first. I want to play for everyone...but the only thing
is....the only way I could play for them and let them hear
me, is if I turn my back and look the other way, and if
they were quiet, well not like silence...but not laughing
or anything...because as soon as someone laughs or clears
their throat, i get embarrassed, and i wont play anymore.
People have heard me play the guitar millions of
times...thats not the part that scared me...its the singing
part,....i used to sing in church back in the day, and i
had no problem, but now...i guess i just get scared.
People say that I am one of the best guitar players that
they have ever heard...and no, it is not all cords or power
cords...i do a lot of picking, and strumming mixed......I
guess I should just start small and work my way up until I
feel confident in my singing again and in my song writing
abilities.

I am cold....I am not really sure why, my teeth are
chattering and my legs are shaking...jeez, I would laugh if
i could step back and look at myself...because well....i
would see me sitting at the computer at 445am and writing
while shivering.........




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