tonight i went out with the kids again. i love all of them.
it was me, john, michelle, joe, eve, mark, will, brittany,
and josh. jenna showed up a little later and so did her
boyfriend with all 12 million of his friends. what a cock
matt and pat showed up too. pat is super sexy with his big
hair. eve didnt recognize him. haha and i was like "yeah my
exboyfriend Pat. the only you didnt like." and she was
like "no way!" and yeah. fun stuff.
hmmm john was acting weird tonight. at one point i just
wanted to cry. he was talking to elizabeth and man, i
regret asking him who he was talking to. he said that she
invited him along to smoke out tomorrow. i was soooooooooo
pissed. but fuck. what can i do? hes not my boyfriend so i
cant say shit. and its fucking killing me!!!!
michelle told me to move on and find another boyfriend. to
go out and date. and just i dunno. have fun. i dunno what
to do. i want someone to love me all the time. not just
when they feel like it. like, everything was so right with
john then he gets weird and acts like im nothing. and it
fucking drives me fucking crazy.
i dunno what to do. the only thing i wanna do right now is
curl up and cry. i was so sad and depressed that i even ate
and didnt throw up. i had some pasta shit and a candy and
thats like a billion calories right there. but i didnt
throw it up. i dunno if thats a good thing or a bad thing.
maybe i should start dating other guys. i only feel like
this when john loses interest in me. then i feel like shit
and want to try and not think about it. and uhhh!
fuck. i dunno what i would do without michelle and mark.
mark knows me inside out and michelle knows john more then
anyone else. and so i can talk to her about john things.
its mark who helps me keep from going insane. i love that
boy so fucking much. i dunno what i would seriously do
anyways.....so since john was off doing his thing (which
didnt include me) i had to seek comfort elsewhere. i was
chillin with josh and michelle was giving me looks cuz
yeah. but its not like that. totally not like that. i love
josh crazy lots. hes my boy. hes a good friend, nothing
i dunno. im just babbling. im pretty tired. think i should
go to bed.
i love william much for giving me a ride home!