To Whom it May Concern: An Autobiography
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2001-09-28 03:41:58 (UTC)

The Beginning

I was born in Independence, MO in 1977. I was the first-
born to my relatively young parents, who were 22 and 23 at
the time. My father had his Bachelor's in Forestry. My
mother had abandonned her college career to marry my
father. This was 4 years before I was born.

I'm not going to spend a lot of time talking about being a
young child. I don't actually remember much, but there are
bits and pieces I remember that I will share.

I remember my mother using a pendulum for divining purposes
while she was pregnant with my brother. She said that by
doing so, some people think you can ask a yes or no
question and learn the answer. I don't remember what the
pendulum told her... But I remember being very intrigued,
which may have affected my spiritual journey later.

I would have bizarre recurring dreams in black and white before I
ever started school. I have ruled out that they came from TV. I
wasn't allowed to watch violent movies (although sex on TV wasn't
barred). The one dream in particular that I remember vividly (having
it so many times) was quite odd for a 3 year old girl. In the dream
I was a man.. I would look down and see long legs, dressed in slacks
and what we would consider dress shoes. The streets were made of
stone, the buildings seemed so tall all around me (though they were
nothing compared to modern skyscrapers, or even some apartment
buldings). The buildings were stone. I don't remember many windows
(not like our steel and glass offices). In this dream, I was
scared. I knew the planes were coming and I had to escape. I was
running across the street, my focus directed at a church. Everyone
else was running too. As I neared the opposite side of the street,
nearing the church, something exploded very near me... Pieces of it
flew everywhere and ripped through my body. Then the dream would
end. This will also come into play later.

I also remember being very excited and impatient to start
school... SO much so that I tried to board the elemetary
school bus at the age of 3! I was always in a hurry to
grow up.

People always ask me if I've always been weird. Honestly,
I don't think I am. I ask them what they mean, and they
normally refer to how I dress. I always did dress a little
strange. In kindergarden and first grade I loved MTV, and
I used to try to imitate Madonna. I seemed to really pick
up on 80's style... Punky Brewster, pink tiger stripe,
fluorescent day glow anything, geometric shapes, and big
belts. I don't even know why I liked that stuff, I just
did.. And I don't remember anyone else dressing too much
like that. I just always liked what I liked, and never
thought that was strange.

One last thing that impacted my life. I started
kindergarden at age 4... I turned five within a month- but
I was teased incessantly by the other kids for being
younger. This would never go away until I reached
college. I'm sure this changed the way I felt around the
other kids, because I suffered horrible insecurity all
throughout school until I was about 16. This, however,
will all be covered in the "Adolescent Years"

I know this first entry isn't the most interesting, but I
don't want to overanalyse anything yet... Because at this
young age I wasn't analysing things too much... and had no
idea how things would impact me.

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