OrganizedConfusion

Conversation Peace
2003-02-22 03:09:37 (UTC)

Not Much To Say..

Dear journal,
I don't have much to say but I am going to write about
something to write. I am so tired and I don't know why. I
feel bad. I was supposed to go to the mall with Kelly but I
fell asleep. I don't want to call her for some reason.
Probably because I am too tired to stay on the phone. She
is really depressed and I know this didn't help but I wish
she could get a grip on things and be happy. This isn't
cool. She needs to see things differently. She isn't going
to school much at all anymore. She has done this before and
gotten some interesting grades. I'm worried about her.
Me and Keith are getting along oddly well. I have a
lot of respect for him suddenly. I don't know why exactally
there is a change in anything, not that I haven't respected
him before or anything. It is kind of like being friends
with Rod, but without like liking him. If that makes sence.
Oh well, who knows what I mean. These past couple weeks
have been weird. Omar has this crush on me and if he
doesn't back away I can see a problem arising. I don't
think Mike really appreciates him and I KNOW Keith doesn't.
Keith wants to kick his ass. I don't think it will happen.
I mean anything is possible but most of the time someone
just says they will because they want to kick someones ass.
Well I talked to Keith online for a while about Mike and
Omar. I told him that I thought the whole phone call thing
got to Mike. He told me it was just one of those calls you
make to check up on a person. I know this because he
doesn't call all the time like that, but I don't think Mike
did. Keith told me to get him on the phone so I signed off
and went to call him but decided it wouldn't be a good idea
and just called and talked to keith for a while. It was an
interesting conversation. Keith said his mom thinks I
treated him bad. I think he said that at least. That bugs
me. I mean, I understand what I did wrong, and I kind of
understand how I may have treated him like shit, but to an
extent. I know I did it. I just have trouble understanding
it I think. I don't mean to treat people badly.
That brings me to last night. Mike came over after
like two hours of convincing my parents. It ended up my dad
said yes and my mom was kind of forced into saying okay. We
started out in the kitchen for like half an hour but we
went into my room and watched parts of the wizard of oz and
whose line is it anyway and all that neat tarded stuff. I
was really happy at first, like sudden burst of energy. I
think what happens is I am really tired so I try and wake
up and then I get happy cuz I get to see him and then I
react too much to trying to make myself awake and become
hyper. Anyway so I was really hyper. I eventually made
myself calm down but just shutting up and watching TV. Well
we sat there and I started thinking about stuff. I felt
kind of bad because I oddly think I am a horrible
girlfriend at times. I mean, it is an on and off thing.
Mike has an odd confidence to him. He is so nice and polite
and he is compforting and I'm just akward. Anyway I kept
thinking about it, and so eventually I became VERY calm and
I almost said something but I decided, why complain about
myself and why not just be how I wished I could be. I guess
to an extent it worked. My mom fell asleep so we dropped
him off 40 min. late. We didn't want to move and if I
hadn't moved whose to say we ever would have. He didn't
make it easy.. It was soooooo compforting though.. We just
layed there and I could have fallen asleep right there.
Well I got home and I got ready for bed, layed down, and I
was out like a light. I wonder if stress is what keeps me
awake at night. I think me and mike need to set guidlines
or get to know the deal with eachother better. I'm not very
fond of public displays of affection. However I don't think
we will have problems. I think he is catching on that there
are things I don't like to do in front of certain people.
Hugging him is akward enough in front of my parents. I
don't think he understands that. Ryan didn't either. It is
going to bug parents. I think my parents realise I'm not
going to be stupid about this and what not. Ryan like,
completley didn't care who was around. Not only with me,
because, I didn't go out with him real long, but with his
other girlfriend. His other girlfriend. That sounded funny.
That kind of irritates me.
Eh I got distracted. Anyway I think I am going to go
to sleep because I am tired. Fun stuff. I'll write more
whenever. I have to go play at a basketball game tomorrow
for band. That sucks. As of tomorrow me and Mike will have
gone out a month. Hopefully this will last longer then my
past relationships. Hopefully I wont be stupid and mess
things up. I tend to do that..
-- Allie --




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