Randi Lynn

Ungrateful
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2003-02-22 01:27:49 (UTC)

Entrys from other days

. [2/21/03 3:51 PM]
There she goes again sucking all the happyness out of life.
I knew i didnt stand a chance of getting her to go to
Casablanca comics, which is right across the street from
fashion bug, to buy the person she hates most in this worlds
(Belinda's), aside from me and my and Vicki, kid ben 2 of
those 15-packs of Yu-Gi-Oh cards. I WOULD have paid her
back! Even if she didnt have any money, the bank is right
next to Casa Blanca comics, and since her name is on my
account, she could easily take out 10 dollars and buy them
and a birthday card, but why would anyone want make a poor,
beaten, blank-and-blue, neglected, unloved child something
he would treasure? Certainly not her. HES SEVEN YEARS OLD
ITS NOT HIS FAULT MY MOTHER HATES HIS! Three years, three
goddamn, long, years I've sat back and watched the
arguements. I miss out on family traditions simply because
she didnt want to be in teh same house as my aunts. I didnt
get to go to B-day parties because I didnt have a ride.
Mom just got home, and immediatly she starts in on a stain,
that is practically under the fridgerator, that I didnt see,
and didnt wash. I washed the whole goddamn kitchen floor.
You know what she said? "Smells clean" and I said "Well it
should, believe it or not I washed the floor" and she claims
the traffic was so busy she couldnt call me, and used hte
excuse of getting up at 4 AM another reason, but I asked
her, Why couldnt she call me when she was walking out to her
car? She has a cell phone. Shes never had a problem talking
to anyone on her cell phone no matter how tired or how busy
traffic was. She just hates me and makes everything a big
effort. You can forget asking her to bring me out to
windham, She refuses to leave the house after she gets home
from work, unless david is bringing her somewhere. Dear,
sweet, david, whom she loves so much more than everything
else, HOW IRRATATING.

I

H
A
T
E

H
U
M
A
N
S

Except Nate. Couldn't hate him.
Mood: irratable.>:o
Music: Same as before.

Well, rahter than explainging everything, I decided to post
this. [2/21/03 3:06 PM]
IMINCredIBLE06: do u wanna go to tha hotel with nana and us
tommoro to swim
IMINCredIBLE06: my family and vickis r ganna stay for tha night
StraightEdge5786: like everyone used to
IMINCredIBLE06: yea
IMINCredIBLE06: but this time we r only goin for one night
StraightEdge5786: how come?
IMINCredIBLE06: i dunno
IMINCredIBLE06: not enough money i guess
StraightEdge5786: Oh
StraightEdge5786: well i gotta go take care of dishes, brb
IMINCredIBLE06: well do u wanna come with naa to swim

Auto response from StraightEdge5786: Me Away, Me go Bye,
Leave me Message, Me reply.

StraightEdge5786: Sure, what time?
IMINCredIBLE06: tommoro
IMINCredIBLE06: round 12 i guess
StraightEdge5786: Can she call me before she picks me up?
IMINCredIBLE06: yessa
StraightEdge5786: Errr, is she staying up there too, or do I
get a ride home?
IMINCredIBLE06: u have to walk
StraightEdge5786: Ha-ha, im serious.
IMINCredIBLE06: ok yes u will have to walk
StraightEdge5786: Bronson!!
IMINCredIBLE06: lol
IMINCredIBLE06: ok
IMINCredIBLE06: yes u will be gettin a ride home that night
nanas comin home
StraightEdge5786: what time?
IMINCredIBLE06: later that night
StraightEdge5786: Alright, need I bring anything other than
a bathing suit?
IMINCredIBLE06: nope
IMINCredIBLE06: a towel
StraightEdge5786: dont they supply them? alright..
IMINCredIBLE06: shell be leavig round 6 or 7 or 8
IMINCredIBLE06: lol
IMINCredIBLE06: juss brong a towel juss in kase
StraightEdge5786: Okkaayyy. Am I going to eat supper there?
IMINCredIBLE06: perhaps
StraightEdge5786: ah
StraightEdge5786: Whens ben having his b-day party?
IMINCredIBLE06: that day
IMINCredIBLE06: tommoro
StraightEdge5786: Should I bring him a gift?
IMINCredIBLE06: if u like
StraightEdge5786: I do, what do you think I should get him
bronson?
IMINCredIBLE06: i dunno
IMINCredIBLE06: toys
StraightEdge5786: What kind?
StraightEdge5786: You sleep in the same room as him, you
must know what he likes
IMINCredIBLE06: anykind
IMINCredIBLE06: umm
IMINCredIBLE06: ice age toys
StraightEdge5786: does he likst Yu-Gi-Oh?
StraightEdge5786: *like
IMINCredIBLE06: or tha master of disguise toys
IMINCredIBLE06: yes he loves yugio
IMINCredIBLE06: h
StraightEdge5786: Does he collect their cards?
IMINCredIBLE06: yes well he tries
StraightEdge5786: So wouldnt he love it if i got him a
couple of those little packs of them?
IMINCredIBLE06: that would be a perfect gift for him yes he
would enjoy them
StraightEdge5786: Im so smart :-)
IMINCredIBLE06: lol
IMINCredIBLE06: yes u r
StraightEdge5786: thankies
IMINCredIBLE06: no problem
--
IMINCredIBLE06 is my cousin Bronson, he was at my nanas. Im
guess my nana was behind him telling him the information.
Every year we used to, My family, My Aunt Vicki's family, My
Aunt Belindas Family, My Nana - Papa - and Uncle Billy, all
go up there and stay for like 1 or 2 nights. I Guess its
like Vicki and Alan's anniversery, thought im not sure why
the rest of the family went up. My mom doesnt go anymore
because she hates vicki and belinda. I called my mom to ask
her to stop at Casa Blanca comics and pick up a few small
packs of Yu-Gi-Oh cards because, well, i told her why - bens
B-day - , and she said shes gonna call me back. What if shes
calling Nana and stuff? Damnit, I bet I started some big
issue. And I thought I was solving one by getting Ben a
present, I mean, didnt my Aunts complain that me and my
brothers always went to b-day partys and never gave gifts?
Now im gonan cause one by giving one, you watch. But then, I
might not, maybe shes just busy - shes at fashion bug. Maybe
everything will be alright. It wont be if i dont go intot he
kitchen and inspect the fridge, oven, and microwave to make
sure they're their brightest whites. ta-ta
Mood: same as earlier.:-
Music: Zeromancer, Vanessa Carlton, Melissa Etheridge,
Stabbing Westward

. [2/21/03 2:20 PM]
Im cold. Im wet (shower). Im Tired. I woke up at four AM and
didnt fall back asleep for an hour because I was and still
am, troubled and its hard to sleep when Im thinking
troubling thoughts. So I thought about my ghost, and went
back to sleep. I dont know my ghost's name, but he stays in
my room, and comes at night time before i fall asleep
sometimes. I was scared of him at first, because ghosts
scare me, but now I know he's a nice ghost, although he
still knida scarey sometimes when I dont know that the ghost
in my room is him. I cant see him, and he doesnt talk. But
at night I can hear him breathing, and I can feel the warmth
of him near me. People say ghosts are cold, but I think
thats only when they're angry. Its not very often that I
feel coldness in my room. I dont know his name or age, or
anything about him. I think he followed me to my dads house,
but im not sure. That may have been some other ghost. Im not
sure my ghost would like that very much.
Ever try to contact someone through your mind? I did last
night, but if it work, I only got through for a few seconds.
Blood tastes good.
I took this which M&M personality are you? test, and im the
Yellow peanut guy. "You may be a little simple, but you
always see the good in situations and are great at cheering
people up"
My mom is refinacing the house, so this guy is coming over
to appraise it on tuesday or something, so she had me clean
the house today. Its spotless, but I dont understand WHY THE
HELL CANT SHE DO IT HERSELF?! I wouldnt midn ti so much if
she gave me some money for it. ANd I wouldnt mind it so much
if she didnt tell me to do it in such an ugly tone. Bitch. I
could rip her voice box out (which is something I always
fantize about doing when she pisses me off)
My father left her because she wouldnt clean, (and didnt
have a job). When I move out, is David going to leave her
because she wont clean, or will she smarten up and get off
her lazy ass to clean the house herself? If i seem to find
that idea hard to believe, it is. She's too lazy to get up
and turn off the light when she wants it off, or get the
phone when she needs it. She's too lazy to get a drink when
she's thirsty!! I know im ungrateful for having a mother
that all my "friends" this is soooooo cool, and soooo nice.
They havent seen her evil side, and if I mention it, they
dont believe me. I know Tina does, though, she's seen it.
Actully, my mom almost verbally attacked her for not
answering her the first time she asked a question. Of course
I stopped her "MOM! She answered! leave her alone!" before
she got past "TINA-" Of course her face was already a nasty
shade of scarlet and she had that evil look that i remember
so well from my childhood and up. It was even more
disgusting when she was drunk. I have a right to "dislike"
the woman, and I excersize it, even if she is my mother.
Dont you DARE tell me Im lucky to have my mother around!
Have you any idea how many times I flew up into my room so
hurt and enraged that I was shaking from head to toe, and
crying? Ive got a journal I keep locked away in my Hope
Chest that I write in when I cant handle it. My ghost
comforts me, he has at least once, if its late enough. How
dare she tell me she loves me when she doesnt really mean
it. How dare use me to make david happy (I clean for them
and sometimes i cook for them, because shes too lazy to cook
herself!) YOUD THINK THAT SINCE SHE LOVES HIM SHED WANT TO
BE THE ONE TO MAKE HIM HAPPY. She makes him happy by makign
me clean the house, but you'd think since i cleaned the
house, I'd be the one making him happy. Good thing I've got
a sub-journal to write in, so I dont talk too much to people
online (I dont talk alot offline) and scare them away.
Mood: How I usually feel. Which is nothing. Im not in a mood.:-)
Music: Im the Only One by Melissa Etheridge.

Ive decided to add on. [2/20/03 1:53 PM]
Floors all vacuumed. Its like spring out side. The snow on
my roof is melting enough to start sliding, and the Ice
hanging off the over-hang of my roof is melting so much its
like a constant stream of water. My favorite season is
spring. Its not too hot, not too cold. I Love wandering
around outside in my bare feet. Im gonna have to get a pool
for me to sit in during the summer because if I dont ill
just pass out from heat sickness. I WILL love this summer,
make its most, because it will be my last summer before I
have to begin a real life. I know I have a school year after
it, but Ill be planning my furture and all that ukey stuff.
The thought of leaving into adulthood disturbs me, but at
the same time living on my own intrigues me. I believe I
will like living in a small apartment on my own, (in a place
where the sun is bright and its got nice pretty green grass
on the ground, and a road that isnt busy, ever), with a nice
comfortable job - like the one at Kathy's Dollar store that
only hires 18 year olds (because the place is quite and
constomers dont come in big bunches) -. Even the idea of
cleaning my own house makes me happy. Its like - Mine. But
DAMNIT, the apartment i live in better allow animals!
KIBBLES WILL NEVER STAY HERE.
And, when I get older, My mother will NEVER be left alone
with my children, or child. I get the idea she might treat
them as she did me. I must get ready to go to the family
fitness center with my mother. I need to loose weight, but I
dont think she, my mom, understands that, even though it was
my idea to go to this place, I will come to hate doing it
because...I dont know why, I just WILL. I dont hate things
when I do them on my own free will - thats why I liked going
at first - but that woman dries up all the want I have to do
something somehow. She even takes away my want to live. I
dont even know how. She just does. I will never, ever, ever,
be like her. I will never treat my children with any sort of
dislike. I will never force my children to do anything that
the mere thought of doing brings them to tears. Ill give
them their privacy. I just wont do the things she does. Im
not gonna call them names like...the ones she calls me. Im
not going to do something for them, and then when they do
something wrong fake being upset, saying "I go out of my way
to do things for you, and this is how you repay me" Ill
never make them afraid to ask for things. Ill never do
things then tell they they cant.

And I will Never. Ever. Lay a hand on my kids, or anyone elses.

On a completely differant subject, while I was at my dads
house My step mom was showing me the coat she got for my 7
year old sister. The coat was black. It was a fur coat. A
real, rabbit fur, fur coat. REAL. And when I relized that
she had said that, I said "thats terrible!!", but she just
ignored me..

Reminds me of the time, somehow, last year around my
birthday Tina was over my house. My step dad had just shot a
deer (ill never go hunting, ever, in my entire life. I
couldnt kill an animal.), and had brought the meat back from
the butchers or whatever. Me and Tina just woke up and came
downstairs. I was these slices of steak-like, cooked, meat
sitting in a dish on the counter. They were small, circular,
and had a hole in the middle. My mom suggest me and tina eat
it for breakfast. I asked what it was. She said it was deer
steak. So i said it doesnt look like steak. She said its
t-bone, now, I figured that would account for the hole in
the middle, and that idea was good enough for tina. We took
it outside, sat at the picnic table and ate it, commenting
on how dry it is and that weird after taste it had. When we
were finished, my mom came outside, and annouced that me an
T had just both at deer...HEART. Tina almost threw up, I
dont remember how I felt, but it wasent that good. So
disgusting. I remember seeing that deer with its entrails
were hanging out. Once again, ive used up almost all 4000
charactors, so I say goodbye.
Mood: Did I mention teh washer broke, and all my cloths are
dirty? UGH.:'(
Music: None

. [2/20/03 11:56 AM]
It's 11:04 AM. I woke up at 7:30 something because (not
being sarcastic) my dear, sweet, lovable, adorable, cute,
soft, long-haired, orange, huge, evil furball named Kibbles
woke me up because he didnt have enough food in his food
dish. I either didnt relize I left my door open last night,
or that I didnt make sure it was closed so you had to turn
the knob to open it, or it could be that someone, such as my
mother, opened my door to 'check on me' while she was
getting ready for work. So he came in, cried, and woke me
up, but I pretended I was still asleep. So, as usual, he
starts clawing at my bed. So I sit up. But thats not good
enough for him. He starts clawing on my $100 misquito net
canopy! So I got up. And Now im tired. I think im gonna go
back to bed, if its alright with my dear sweet Kibbles.
Before I do that I must write about my visit to my
daddy's. Before I do that I must take care of the dog-shit
on the floor. And Also before I go to sleep, I must vacuum
the floor. I Begin to understand why my mother wanted me
home so much - Without her slave (for I am un-paid) she must
clean the house herself. Me and my father both wonder what
shes going to do when I move out. Off to clean up Cha-cha
poop. Cha-cha is my 23 year old step-brother's dog, He's a
medic in the Army and doesn't live in Maine.
Oh god, I think my cat attacked my mother's dozen
roses my step dad gave her for valentines day. Well, ill be
vacumming hte floor, so maybe she wont notice? I swear I
want to kill that woman everytime she so much as acts like
shes going to hit my cat, she does not understand all you
have to do is say "HAY! Stop it!!!" and maybe stomp your
foot and he'll stop, he doesnt need to be physically moved.
He's not stupid, and no animal should have to undergo abuse.
I Wish my cat would just pounce on her and start clawing and
biting her or something...But then she'd get rid of him, but
she wouldnt, because if she tried, I...dont know what I'd do
without Kibbles. I know I'd never talk to that woman again.
I cant loose my cat. I cant. I'd just die. I'd cry for
weeks. I'd probably go mad and start screaming at the woman
for getting rid of my cat, and then I'd call my dad and tell
him she got rid of my cat, then he'd be mad at my mom too, I
hope. He's the one who gave me Kibbles. You cant put into
words how much I love that cat. When a person loves very few
things...well, seeing my cat is not the only one I love, but
one of the few, I've got alot more love to give than the
average person does.
I pretty much played Escape Velocity the whole time.
Although monday my dad had his next door neighbors daughter,
Karla, she's 15, come over. At first we drove around, realy
fast, on the snowmobile. And then went went inside and
played online. And then we watched Austin Power's in
Goldmember, which we all, including my father, found
extremly funny. Expecially the part with the shadow. Then
she went home, and my 9 year old brother Ben, and and my 7
year old sister Sam (I might as well start calling them
that, because my dad and their mom are getting married in
May. And after they get married, oh joy, They're going to
have kids! because my dad always wanted to be a full time
father, and he never got to be one because he and my mom
didn't get along. I guess he wouldnt have beat her and threw
knives at her if she cooked and cleaned once in awhile, or
perhaps got a job. My dads good about helping his wives
(this is his third, including my mom) clean up...if they
help him. He's probably high all the time to help control
his anger. Not that it makes it okay. Its scarey being
driven around in a car by someone who is high.) anyway, my
brother and sister came home and we played, Sam just adores
me, a bit too much, literally hangs off me. I dont mind it.
I guess we both like having a sister. I must go, for I used
up just abou all 4000 charactors. theres only about 50
something left. bye!
Mood: Maybe I should find a snowsuit and roll around in 3ft
deep snow. That'll wake me up.:-)
Music: I did have that tom-n-jerry song stuck in my head..


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