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2001-09-28 01:40:19 (UTC)

*!Sad and Confused!*

Dear diary,
Wow! I haven't written in or typed in a diary in the
longest time. I guess I decided I should start one because
I have so many things on my mind and so many emotions that
I just need to get out, and this helps alot. Well to start
off I'll give you some info on me :) My name is
Alexandra. I'm 17 years old. I turn 18 on March 5th. I
live in Long Beach California, and I've lived here all my
life. I'm a really outgoing and friendly person. I love
to snowboard, surf, exercise, play soccer and anything else
that involves being outdoors. My main goal in life is
getting to know Christ my Savior the best that I know how.
So yes I do love to attend church as much as possible :)
So now that I've pretty much explained what I'm about. I
guess I should start talking about life. These past two
days I've been pretty sad and a little depressed. Me and
my boyfriend of a month broke up. I know, I know. A month
is nothing. But he really did mean alot to me and we had a
blast together. I recently got out of a relationship of a
year, and I've been looking for another long term
relationship. So I was really hoping that this one would
work out because he wanted the same thing. I should have
known from the beginning that this would happen. To start
off he told me that he was really jealous and insecure
person. So I honestly did my best to make him happy and
feel as secure about us as possible. But for some reason
he just could not get his self to trust me. Before I met
him I was best friends with this married couple. I know
that sounds weird, but honestly the three of us were really
good friends. So when I met Brent (that's my ex boyfriend)
He told me that he would like me not to see them anymore
because he was jealous of the husband. So I promised him
that I would not see them anymore and I stuck to my
promise. He still didn't really trust me so he had his
brother sort of spy on me and let him know if he ever saw
me with the married couple. The reason Brent asked his
brother to spy on my is because I was supposed to be on a
softball league with the married couple and Brent's
brother. So that was a perfect chance to get his brother
to spy on me. I promised Brent that I would never go to
any of the games or play on the league and once again I
stuck to my promise and never did. But for some odd reason
Brent's family doesn't want me and Brent together. So they
were starting alot of rumors trying to break us up. But me
and Brent promised each other that we would not let any of
the rumors come between us. But unfortunately Brent broke
that promise. He let something come between us. His
brother called him 2 nights ago and made up some bullcrap
story. He told Brent that he found out that me and Mike
had been hanging out behind his back. So of course Brent
believes his brother and comes to me. I tried and tried to
tell him that it wasn't true, that I wasn't seeing Mike.
But he just did not belive me. He said he believed his
brother over me. He doesn't know why, but he just does. He
said he cared about me immensely and did not for anything,
want to leave me. But he just felt that he had to because
he honestly believes that me and the my best friend have a
crush on each other and have been hanging out behind his
back. I tried so hard to get him to stay with me. I told
him that he was going to be sorry and that he was making a
huge mistake. But, he ended up leaving...I called him the
next day and he said he would call me later that night to
talk ( I think he wants to get back together) but I never
waited for the call. I'm trying so hard to forget about
him but I just can't. He meant so much to me. But I guess
I have to because I don't want to go back out with him. He
will probably put me through that crap all over again. The
night he broke up with me I automatically called my best
friend and he drove to my house at 2:00 a.m.!!! Just to
comfort that's what I call a friend!! A huge part
of me wants to try and get my boyfriend back...but another
part of me tells me to just move on and ignore him. I'm so
confused :( I just can't understand how he could do this
to me. He's going to be soooo sorry. He lost something
really good. If only he knew that I really was honest and
that I really did have good intentions and treated him the
best. I hope one day he finds out the truth and tries to
get me I can just laugh in his face. Anyway,
WHEW! I'm so glad I got that off my chest. I just wanted
to blurt it all out :) I hope I didn't bore anyone. If
anyone has any advice or wants to talk, let me know. Until

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