FruitLo0p

t0 b0dfish...
2001-09-27 20:09:32 (UTC)

t0 b0dfish... 1 intr0duction

b0dfish.. not anyone in particular, just an old friend of a
friends. Some of you know, most of you dont. I created this
diary to exempt some of the angst of my days. Today was the
worst so far. I came home early from school, hoping to
sleep and pass the time. Instead I ended up with last
year's album in my hand crying my eyes out. For those of
you who dont know me, there's no way that I can put my
whole story into a paragraph. But here's a short summary:
Burleson- my hometown for 13 years. Arlington- my hometown
for one. One year. Just one. Why, you might ask. I dont
want to get into that. Its too damn complicated. But now Im
a freshman in Burleson High. yeah, freshman. Does anyone
know how much pressure it puts on a person to fit in when
they dont? When they dont at all? 7th grade I was kicked
out of my fathers house. 5 times. Last time it happened, I
left. My mom, who lives in Arlington, came and got me and I
didnt return. So I finished the year in Bureson. Ooh I
hated it. I despised everyone and everything having to do
with that town. 8th grade I started out at Arlington. It
was hard at first, then after a while, I just blended in
with everyone. I thought I hated it... I really did.
Actually looking back, it was the best year of my life.
Arlington changed me. It changed my lifestyle. Last summer
we moved to Alvarado. We were supposedly moving all year,
but it never happened until then. I didnt want to start a
new school again, and I thought it would be cool to see all
my old friends. Yeah, it was pretty cool. It was. I'll
admit it. But here I am, 2 years later, with my head on the
floor again. Why? Why did I have to pressure myself to want
to move AGAIN? My grades are dropping. My life is
smothered. I miss my true friends. I miss them too much. I
figure that by the end of this year I'll be suicidal yet
again. Arlington got me out of that. Like I said, it helped
me so much to realize who I really am. Ive met some
interesting people... some cool people, some intimidating
people, and some bitches. Bitches... the keyword. Why cant
we all just get along? Im nice to everyone... I dont diss
them when I dont know them. Or at least I try. I hate being
a fish. Everyone looks down on you and basically spits in
your face. Well Im not going to be stereotypical and say
everyone- just most of them. I do have some older friends
that really respect me- as in Brian, Chase, Brandon, Becky,
Chris. hrmm... that isnt a long list. Why isnt it a long
list? Because Im a freshman.