Trixie Dust

Trixies in the Wind
2001-09-27 19:55:40 (UTC)

To sell out or not?

Im listening to Stabbing Westward, their Wither Blister
Burn Peel cd. Its pretty good.

Ive been kinda out of it today. Maybe Im sleepy. Maybe Im
content. Or am I confused?

I normally don’t get upset about grades, but this really
bothered me. Ms. Ethridge gave me a 75 on my paper on The
Scarlet Letter. I got 10 points off because it was ‘late’,
but whatever. There was so much red on that paper, I think
there was more red than black. I thought that was a good
paper. I have a different writing style than most people,
in my opinion, and I tend to emphasize on different points
or use intresting combinations of words. Its my
individuality. But that’s not cool to her. Is it worth
selling out to get an ‘A’?

Oh, I found out something intresting last night. Mom said
dad quit high school when he was in 10th grade. * sighs *
Hes told me so many stories about his high school… and he
was talking about going to his high school reunion… was
that a lie? Did he say that to try and get me to go to
Texas? I have to try and let the past go… but how can I
when it consistantly haunts me? I feel awkward again.
That word is even spelled uniquely. I think Im going to
have to give him an ultimatum… her or us. If he wants
anything to do with me, or with my family in the future,
then he wont marry her. I don’t think he loves her… Im not
convinced. I dotn want their family to end up like mine.
And it will. Ask anyone… Im usually not wrong. I knew mom
and dad wouldn’t work out… and I got grounded for saying
that. I mean, im not always right, but I get feelings. I
don’t want amanda to hurt. I don’t want phillip to be
without his dad. I dotn want the lil ones to grow up
thinking that my dad is their dad. Weston is little, so
little. Hes four. I dotn want him to be confused like
colleen is… I don’t want phillip hurting like ashley is and
I don’t want amanda confused like me. Amanda is even in
shock that her mother did this. Its not right… its not
right. And they declare they are doing this in the Lords
name… Lisa said that its up to me and her to make this
family right. I agree with her. This family cant continue
down the path its going…

At least at school, I have somewhere that I belong. Well,
sort of. At least Im not on the outside anymore. At least
im not just ‘that girl’. Im ‘us’. I know this sounds
kinda stupid, but like, at school, I used to just be
weird. Now im with all the freak children, im ‘us’. Im
trika, the punk child freak crazy girl. Im a lot more
confident about myself than I used to be. A lot of people
think Im cool, and that rawks. Every year you get older
you get more confident, at least its been that way for me.
I feel like I have a direction now… I have a goal. And
eventually, all of this will be over. Next weekend lisa is
flying down to florida… and the divorce is going to be
final. *phew * Then, its my 16 birthday. It doesn’t
really seem that much of a deal to me. Oo. 16. Im a year
older. Yay. And like, then we can start getting the house
fixed up… we are now. Praise the Lord our house flooded…
the insurance pays for all the stuff we were going to have
to replace anyways. So after all that’s done were going to
try and sell this house, we need to get out of it. Then I
dotn know where well be going. I keep praying its new
york. I hope and I pray.

Freshman are perverts.

Well, I love all of you, ‘specially matt. ;) Ttyl.