Reality Bites
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2001-09-27 18:29:55 (UTC)

Last night

Last night was nice. Carli, Kate, Jess, Rob, and Gina
called so see how I was. They're all like, "We miss you!!"
haha. I feel so loved at times like that. Then I felt
really scrubbish so I took another shower. I was half-way
through straightening my hair when Alyssa, Joe, and Amy
burst into my room with balloons and all this random other
stuff. It was so cute!

Kate's having family problems, not major, but they're
smuthering her. I have a feeling if they don't let up soon,
that she's gonna just stop caring about there rules and do
whatever she wants. I could totally see her doing that. My
mom knows if she did that to me, thats EXACTLY what I'd do.

Cory e-mailed me last night, he's my gossip buddy, I
totally love him! He's been filling me in on everything
that's going on at school socially. It's funny to hear all
that shit. Him and I don't get involved at all, and so
people always tell us stuff. It's kinda funny. We hear
everything, half the time we don't even care, but we listen

Carli just called me from school. She was in typing class
and she wanted to fill me in on her latest homecoming
drama. I guess the guy she likes is supposed to ask her at
lunch, so I'm gonna call her at like 12:30. I got to talk
to some random guys from her class...that was funny. Also
she was telling me how she told Geoff (her ex that she
doesn't exactly get along with) that they needed to talk about him
not sharing some things with Sam. I've known him since I was born,
our family's are very good friends so it's been a little awkward for
me,but when it comes down to it, Carli's one of my best friends in
the world.

I was talking to Carli & Geoff's mutual friend on-
line, and I was having a terrible day, and he asked me what
was wrong, and I was like, "nothing, It's complicated." and
he pushed and pushed and I was like, "look Sam, I don't
know you well enough to tell you this kind of stuff, but
thanks for your concern" and he bugged me about it until I
just blocked him. I guess he asked Geoff what he thought it
was and Geoff told him that it was about my Dad, which it
wasn't. (It was about a fight that I had with my mom over a
party she wouldn't let me go to, but it ended up bringing
up lots of shit between me and her). I was annoyed that Sam-
who I have talked to like maybe 10 times ever would just
bring up something so personal. I mean how did he get the
impression that it was alright with me to bring up my
fathers' death with me.

What if I had issues with it and he set me off on an emotional
rampage or something? It's not like that with me though, but he
didn't know that, he didn't know anything about me. And he was mad
that I didn't tell him myself. I guess he also doesn't know that
hardly anyone that I go to school with knows. I'm not the type of
person to broadcast that type of issue for everyone to know. I hate
it when people feel bad for me, cause then I don't know if they're
trying to be my friend cause they like me, or cause they feel bad for
me.It happened a year and 2 months ago-pretty much fucked me up for
awhile, but I'm stronger because of it. It's given me something I'm
happy about-a reality check. That's the main reason that I don't get
involved in all that highschool shit, because its stupid and petty
and not worth it. Life can be harsh sometimes, and hands you lots. It
really bugs me when I see people being bored and creating drama for
themselves, when real problems come along, you wish for things to be
boring. Before all that shit started a year or so ago, I was totally
a different person than I am now. I was completely
happy,bubbly,carefree,completely concerned with others
opinions,loud,fun, but completely good-like I'd never think of
breaking any rules. After he died, I went into this like altered-
personality. It wasn't me, I was sort of a bitch, and quieter than I
had been before, and way willing to try new things lol, but I also
started highschool, which I think accounted for part of it, but I
seriously did things I never would have tryed if I hadn't gone
through all that.(I'm actually glad about that part!) It took me
about 9 months-a good part of last year, to get to be happyier, and
back to a little normallcy. I feel like theres more of a balance
between hyper and quiet, and I totally have lots of fun now but
there's days when I get so mad at myself for not being able to be
happy, or not being able to be loud like my friends, but they don't
care. My mom can be way difficult though. Anyways:) I'm kinda tierd,
I'm gonna go sleep.