random mumblings
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2001-09-27 15:09:37 (UTC)

i feel like shite...

yes that's shite not shit...this is a family diary :)
won't someone think of the children? fine i will. shite
not shit. i am really depressed today. well relatively
depressed. and you know what? i don't think i was in love
with her, even though my heart thought that i was...she was
just a little ray of sunshine that broke through the clouds
of depression i've had for the past 8?9? years. apparently
it's the same feeling as love :) i crave attention! i
want to be important to someone. i'm lonely and sad and
confused...well i shouldn't say i'm sad...i'm definitely
riding an emotional rollercoaster...high his and low lows.
i need some emotional steroids, or some testosterone.
yeah i'll just go out and pick up some chick at
the bar tonight, use her and abuse her...that'll make me
feel better i'm not like that...whether
that's for the better or worse i don't know :) i really
need to add some capital letters or proper punctuation to
my diary. a friend told me the other day that the english
language is changing because of chat and email...stuff
like :) and lol and brb and ur and stuff like that. i
never really thought of it that way...i always just thought
that i was lazy and no capitals and shortforms were
quicker :) so i'm eating some organic apple sauce today
(because it was 50 cents cheaper, yeah so what i'm a cheap
ass, you got a problem with that?) and it's not half bad.
i'massuming the organic means that the apples were grown in
a lab?! if i end up getting a tumor, i'll remember this
journal entry :) in any case, i've been through 796mL of
apple sauce and 1.5L of apple juice (i'm not sure how you
translate that to American) cause deep down i have this
fear of getting scurvy cause i don't get enough vitamin C
and i had a dream last night that i woke up and i had no
teeth. so naturally, with my obsessive compulsive
personality (that's what i've classified myself as) i go
out and overdo it. now i'm sick of apples and probably
won't eat any for a month and all my teeth will fall
out :) irony. i really wish that i had started writing
this at the beginning of university...when i actually had
good times instead of all bad times :) i laugh at all the
stupid shit we did but i'm thinking for every good time
that i remember there was like 5x more that i don't
remember...sad really. anyways, enough thinking about the
past (god knows i do that enough) and time to look to the
future. something i've been thinking about is that if this
job in OS does go through, do i invite amanda and pat to my
going away party? i enjoy a good scrap and i'd love to see
the fur fly but i don't think that amanda would come
anyways...too bad. well i should really get some stuff
done today...it's 11:16 for christ sake.