The Mind of Tee La
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2003-02-20 12:10:23 (UTC)


The 18th was a very emotional day for me. Not only did I
get bitched out for absolutely nothing, but it was much
worse than the day before. I tried telling my mom that I
was in a deep depression. She literally screamed, "SHUT UP
TEELA!" at me. =( I honestly don't know what to do about
my situation. Right after that I tried to take a nap but
ended up crying for hours.
I kept running through all possible ways of making
someone listen to me. It seems impossible though, because
I HAVE tried everything... Sensible that is... I'm not
proud of the fact, but I was tempted to kill myself. It
was as if something possessed me for that moment, because I
was seriously about to follow through, knowing that it was
the most horrible thing I could have done. I need help.
My parents may already know this, but I'm still stuck.
Tortured even with the fact that I'm not making my point
clear enough.
But on a lighter note... Wednesday was a lot better. I
was woken up to breakfast in bed at 12. Everyone here is
afraid that I'm loosing too much weight. I forget to eat
all the time, and mostly skip meals until I'm reminded.
I'm worried about it, but I'm doing a little better. At
least I know that they do care to some extent.
Russ and Steph were at school. What a relief to have
some peace and quiet after days of splitting headaches and
random bouts of, "VAGINA!" "PENIS!" "CRACKHEAD!" and
such ridiculous outbursts as that. Lol. It's funny
really, but still a relief.
At 3, Amanda got home from school and came over asking
about my scone recipe. She said she had to make them for
her troop for tomorrow's little play that they're doing.
Don't ask me how food and plays go hand in hand. I simply
can't explain the relation. A theory being that they're
throwing a party afterwards in correlation to the theme.
Each girl has to bring in a food from their chosen
country. Lol. Fortunately for me, Amanda chose England.
Because I love cooking scones.
My best friend called as I was cleaning up my room.
She's engaged! Omg... I had no idea what to say to her.
I was really happy but she's only 16. I freaked out when
she told me I would be the maid of honor. Or at least one
of them. Lol. We have so many best friends. She told me
she couldn't decide.
I'm almost 100% sure that it'll work out despite their
age. I know a lot of couples out there that have gotten
married that young, and they're still happily married. =)
Most of her friends are skeptical, and even I have to admit
that as soon as I heard the plans, I had my own doubts.
But now that I've had time to think, I believe that she's
made the right decision. Sarah has the unbelievable drive
to succeed in anything she does. And in the majority of
the cases, she does get what she wants. So, all I have to
say now is that I wish them the best.
As soon as I got off the phone with her, I had to go eat
dinner. I'm really open with my family, so I told them
what she had said to me. Russ and Steph were as skeptical
as everyone else, but mom and her bf Mike thought, as weird
as it was, that it was a good choice for her.
After dinner, my other best friend Terri called. She was
freaking out like me. Lol. She doesn't think it'll work
out, but she's still supportive. My mom and Ter both
think that Sarah might be pregnant, and that's the reason
behind everything. I know for a fact that Sarah is anxious
to grow up and have a kid... So that just might be a
possibility... I hope not though. Because I know that
even though she feels she's ready for it, she needs to live
life a little and explore all her options.
Anyway, the day ended with me and Amanda actually baking
almost 50 scones! We made two batches. After that, Amanda
asked me if she could spend the night regardless of the
fact that she had school today. Lol. I said it was ok,
but when she got on the phone with her mom, she was so
upset at the answer, that she started crying. =( She's
too sweet! I'd like to steal her, but I don't think her
parents would appreciate that too much. Lol. =D Making
her happy was so uplifting though. I'm glad I made her
Today I'm going to her play in place of her mom. Lol.
She was sooo excited. She kept saying that she always
wanted me to come along. So excited in fact that she
called me mom. Lo' xD It was so freakin' adorable!!!
I have to be off. I'm going to see if I can get another
hour of sleep before I start my homework. I put myself on
a new schedule. 8 hours of work a day. AT LEAST! So I
have to start early. Lo' I probably won't be able to get
back on today to update, but I'll get around to it tomorrow
or so. I'm not exactly sure who even reads this thing. I
doubt anyone, unless they're so absolutely bored as to read
about other people's lives. Lol. But if you do, stay
tuned for another episode! xD