Unholy and Dirty and Beautiful Me
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2003-02-20 07:35:39 (UTC)

Liars, Zellers & Jump Ropes

I spent two hours at Zellers today. I have never really
just walked around that store before, aimlessly...checking
out all the stuff. There was a whole mall out there, where
I'd usually go...but Zellers was really happening.

I bought a skipping rope today. I bought track pants too.
I am SERIOUSLY going to get my ass in gear. I am not
greatly overweight...but I'm 5'1 & 128 lbs. Too heavy for
my liking. And my BMI or whatever is higher than it should
be. And my pants are tight.

I've been totally negligent towards my well-being. Weight
in particular. I used to be this too-skinny girl, and when
I tried to quit smoking 2.5 years ago, I ended up gaining
about 10 lbs. Then I worked a restaurant and ended up
eating way too many panzarottis & poppers. Too many. And I
drink too much beer. And lately, I've been doing too much
late-night snacking with V.

So this is my plan:

- eat better (more fruit & veggies, less carbs & as little
pre-packaged crap as possible)

- drink more water

- jump rope when I wake up & when I get home from work

- walk more often (take the dog!!!)

- weigh myself once a week

I know it's not a lot, but it's a start. Right now I do
pretty much nothing active. And I don't have a huge amount
of weight to lose. Ten pounds would be good, fifteen would
be better but I really have to start small. My goal is 115
lbs, which I think would be perfect. And I'd like to not
feel self-concious in a bathing suit/shorts/etc.


Okay, I'm not perfect. I don't always tell the truth. If it
gets me out of something I don't want to do, I'll lie. I
don't do it often but I do it.

Why would V lie to me about seeing a movie? I saw a movie
ticket on his desk and it was for Feb.8/LOTR @4:30pm. I
talked to him on the phone that day a couple of times. We
had reservations (that I ended up cancelling because he was
LATE) for a restaurant. We ended up getting together around
9pm & going to the restaurant, sans reservation, later on.
I was pissed and he said he was sorry...whatever. He was
apparently down town with his buddies watching tv or
whatever. Why the hell wouldn't he mention that he'd seen
that movie? Does he have something to hide? I didn't say
anything, but I moved the ticket closer to his keys &
wallet so maybe he knows I saw it. I feel like a snoop,
even though I wasn't really snooping. In all honesty, I was
wondering if he's silly like me and had maybe held on to a
ticket from a movie we'd seen together. But no, I find this
stub from over a week ago for a movie we didn't see, that
he didn't tell me he'd seen.

So ya, okay he didn't tell me about this movie he saw.
Should I really care? Well, no. It shouldn't matter. He
does not have to tell me everything. I just think it's
weird that we were talking about our day that night and it
never came up. I shouldn't care, but I do. Because that's

I think back to this weekend, when I was ticked off that he
hadn't told me he had plans to visit his friends' new club
the same day we were planning on doing our Valentine's
grocery shopping & dinner. While we were talking/arguing,
he mentioned that he didn't bother telling me until the
last minute 'cause he knew I'd be pissed. He also told me
that he sometimes LIES to keep out of trouble. Apparently
his EX gave him a lot of trouble.

I've decided that I won't bring this up, this whole LOTR
ticket thing. However, if I catch him doing something weird
like that again I WILL say something. I don't think I've
given him any reason to think he should hide things from
me. The fact that he didn't tell me what he did that day,
but instead made up another story, really makes me wonder.
Now, when he says he's doing something, I can't help but
wonder if he's telling me the truth. And that could get to
be a real problem.

love RIDDEN. xo.