Abstract Soul
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2003-02-19 23:43:42 (UTC)

...I was promised stars

I thought those hugs were sincere. Was I wrong to believe
that the beautiful words you spoke were true and lovely?
Was I just a thing, something to hold when it was YOUR
world that sucked? What did you mean when you spoke of
loving someone like me? Didn't you promise me the stars?

I shouldn't be feeling this way, I shouldn't care. I
shouldn't have the right to write my heart's painful
thoughts, but they burn me so. I don't understand and I
don't want to cry. I just want to know. I want to know why
it is that you never called, why you fell asleep. I want to
know why it is that every time you said goodbye you went to
your girlfriend. Why was it that you carressed my face,
kissed my hand, and stared into my soul when you always
returned to HER? Why is it that there is always a "HER"?

God, I am so fucking tired of being the "other" girl! Is it
wrong to have a love that is my own, all my own? Why must I
share? I don't understand why I cannot stand any longer.

There are some people in my life that I cherish dearly and
love with all of my being. It is this vulnerbility that has
caused me the most pain. I want to be able to have
something that so many others have, but all that they want
from me is should I put it...fuck. It used
to be that when I met someone, they were genuine and loving
and earnest with every word that they spoke and now there
is a hidden motive behind every false sentence and every
forced gesture. They all have girlfriends, someone to go
home to. They all have empty souls, that they use me to
compensate. Now I am a whore. Or so they call me that. I'm
a whore, yes I am. If that is the term of someone who is
searching and falsly believing in someone's acts of
affection, then yes, I am a whore. But it was only because
they promised me, only because they flattered me, only
because they tried loving me, only because they promised me

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