I'm a girl, not a band!!!
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2001-09-27 04:36:43 (UTC)

It's just another day in paradise...

Greetings. Well, I got an internship at an advertising
agency. Unfortunately, internship mean unpaid, but it'll
give me something to go on. I will still have to find a job
to get some sort of income. I need a car and a place to
live. Yeah, yeah, I know, I have a place to live, but
living at home isn't what it's cracked up to be. It still
feels weird to be living here. I feel like I am indebted to
my parents. I called my mom on it once. I was mad and told
her that as soon as I got a job, I'd start paying rent so
she could lay off...blah..blah..blah (thinking back, I made
absolutely no point whatsoever. I don't think well on my
feet. I always come up with the perfect argument or come
back hours or days later. My sister Mariah is awesome at
that. Sometimes I wish I could be her.) Mom got really mad
and said that she never, ever thought that she had made me
feel unwelcome, and it was my home too, after all. It's
true, she hasn't, but I guess I harbour some guilt about
it. I grew up quite poor, and I sure as hell know how luck
I am to be where I am and with my family. I have the
greatest family. Honestly, I really do. We all went through
the hard time together and I don't regret it, but I don't
want that for me and my children. I want to be able to buy
my kids shoes when they need them instead of tell they how
sorry I am that I can't afford them because we spent all
the money this week on diapers and food. I'm proud of my
background and my past. I don't talk about it, but it
doesn't hurt me. Again, I have no regrets. My parents do,
but none of us, my brother, sister, or I have any to speak

I'm searching for my passion. I was asked by a very good
friend a few years ago what I was passionate about. I
didn't have an answer. She was shocked. "Everyone has a
passion. You have to be passionate about something!" But I
couldn't think of anything. I mean, I love my family and my
friends, but there is nothing that if it was taken away
from me (other than the afore mentioned fam and friends)
that I would be desperate over. I'd be sad, sure, but I
think that I'd know that it was over and move on. Is that
bad? I hope not. While I ponder that, I will still look for
my passion.