Trixies in the Wind
Hola. I decided Id take some time to write to this happy
lil internet world. Actually, most people have had bad
days. Muffin and Marys teach sux, Huggles is sick and had
to walk home in the cold, Stitt is grounded, Ashely's
homecoming date stood her up, and I have had a good day.
Its fun to have black cherry hair. The box said plum
orchid, but dont kid yourself. Its black cherry. I was
this ugly brownish colour that everyone liked... BUT me. I
abhored it. Besides, this is my colour. It looks awesome.
I realized something over my past 3 high school years. All
this time, ive tried to be different. The best way to be
different is to be you. I learned that this year... This
summer i think. I think matt showed me its okay to be me,
and so did huggles. Its nice to know your loved. Matt
shows me Im loved. I thought I knew love before... I
thought like, that love in movies was a faerie tale. I
thought love was just overrated lust, love didnt exist. I
have to love him, or else how would I have the endurance to
stand not being able to see him all the time? I guess
thats just how strong our love is. I love him, and I do
need him. But for now, Im content knowing that he loves
me,a nd I love him too. He showed me the meaning of love,
and weve only been together since february. I cant wait
for the future....
I want to go to dads wedding and break it up. I asked mom
if she would make a pit stop and she got PISSED. Ill walk
if i have to. I dont want another family down the tubes.
Jason, my brother, wanted mom to call him. When mom told
ashley and I (she told us each seperatly) this, we both
asked her if he was high. Lol. He wanted his trust fund.
*shrugs* I miss the brother I used to have. Lol. I have
another bro, Nick. Lol. I have Alisha, she got disowned I
think, Jessi, and Nick. "Adopted" siblings. Lol.
Everyone loves my mommies cookies. I stayed up making half
a batch, mom did the first half, and mixed it and stuff.
But she got really drunk, so i had to finish, while trying
to talk to my angel, who didnt get home until 8 last
night. Poor baby.
I hope mark doesnt try to put moves on me at homecoming. I
really dont want to have to shoot him down. Im nice...
Hmm... anythin else to say. My arms hurt cuz i got pushups
yesterday for being stupid. I forgot half my commands.
Oops. It didnt bother me, though.
Matt is lucky. He gets to see my soul when I talk to him.
He sees the real me. I mean, I usually am myself, but he
gets pure unadulterated me. Somehow he managed to get
inside that wall I built over my heart... he found the inner me, the
real me. The soft juicy center. He puts up with me... and one
night, we were talking, and he said "I love my pretty, sensitive,
great girlfriend". And I was like, i am sensitive, arent I? and he
tolerates that. He doestn judge me... he helps me... he loves me.
once i thought i found the way
To sanity, a place I could stay
And be warm and happy and not worry
About tomorrow or the latest flurry
Of doubt fluttering around in my mind
Im losing my conception of time
At least, as simple as it can be
Ive looked in my heart and found the real me.
It hit me today. I guess im not a kid anymore. Like, at
lunch, and on the bus... I just was like, yeah. I mean, I
hang out with all ashes friends at lunch... theyre all
freshmen. I mean, theyre cool and fun, but like, i dunno.
Its just different. I know by next year, I have to have my
permit, a job, and a plan. By halfway through my senior
year, at the MOST, i want to start sending applications for
colleges in. You can do that, right? I think ill go to a
community college and get my A.A. and then transfer as a
senior. I want to get my education in NY. Ill probably
end up a teacher, but im not sure if id rather be a graphic
desighner. I have a knack for things like that. I have
mild artistic capabilities, and I know what catches peoples
eyes. I cant wait until next semester... I get to take
graphics!!! *yay!* But with my grades and such the way
they are, I can get anywhere I want. Im in NHS and am
practically a straight A student. I knwo what i want, and
thats nazareth and a future with muffin. All I gatta do is
plan out the way im gunna get it.
Oh. Im in the middle again. I interferred with one of Ash
and Jessis wars, and I thinkim going to have to choose
sides. If i do, it has to be with ashley. Shes my blood.
I told jess that once, i consider her my sister. So this
is like a war between my sisters, and its a stupid one
too. They need eachother, they need to talk. I dotn see
whats goin on with em.