neverthesame

forever changing
2003-02-18 23:55:32 (UTC)

some poems

this is a little bit of my more recent poetry. poetry is a
major part of my life, not that i go to readings every day
or anything but i use it to maintain my sanity to a certain
degree.
the second one is about my best friend i mentioned in my last entry,
and if she is reading this i love you ashley!!!

REAL
with you eveything fits
feels just right
like a dream
surreal
you hold me close to you
your heart beating against my chest
reassuring me
"it's not a dream."

if this is real where did all the pain go?
the one feeling which had become a
constant companion
her absence is frigghtiening!
suddenly the one thing i ever truely relied on
to always be there
right around the corner is gone

scared by the loss of a wicked friend
trying to let myself trust someone real
someone who can wrap his arms around me
and make me feel everything is right
someone who will look into my eyes
and relight the glow that was blown out
and never fully rekindled
someone who will pull me closer
when i try to push away
run before i love
give up before it hurts

if my wicked friendcomes back
the longer she waits
the stronger her wrath
why not invite her back now
before she has time to plan
how to rip my heart open and cause me more hurt
if i go back to her now
her wrath will be subtle
but if i wait and she takes me back by force
i fear i will have no tear worth wiping
no heart worth mending
only splinters
stuck beneath the skin
cutting deeper with every breath i take

everytime i look into your eyes
my fears fade away
when i look away
my fear grows
i long to pour my soul out to you
but i can't!

with every glance
every touch
every kiss
i find myself falling
trying desperately to cling to something familiar
as i fall deeper i can see her
plotting ways to tear us apart
head over heels i tumble
she searches her sadistic mind
for the most damage she can cause

its too late to stop myself from falling
but if your falling too
maybe we can meet at the bottom
to stand against
my wicked friend, together

and i will try to trust without fear
because now i know
it is not a dream
this is,
you are,
real.

(untitled)**
she knows more about me than i ever told her
and i can practically read her mind
everyone deserves to have that person,
the one who knows more about you
than you do
and doesn't use it against you
we stand together with tears of joy and sorrow
once or twice we have wanted to
rip off each other's heads
but it only brought us closer
she has saved my life in so many ways
and i've saved her a few tiems as well
we've been so close to the depths of hell i could taste it
but we always make it through
kicking and screaming at times
we pull each other closer
one real thing i could always hold onto
is her honesty
and within me she can find
her trust
if i have a secret
she knows before i tell her
if she is hurt i feel her pain
before she says a word
we see the world in similar
but different lights
and various shades of darkness
through the peilous battles in our lives
we have seen so many things
good and bad
but mostly bad
we have stayed together
and i would be willing to do it all again as long as i have
her by my side because i know she will never leave me

**many of my poems remain untitled, i just can't figure out
any titles that fit most of them.