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JOHNNY TELL THEM WHAT THEY'VE WON!
You've won a life-time supply of Diddley-Squat!
The worlds most amazingly mediocre new product.
It wont slice... It wont dice... and it never
makes julian fries! Add Diddley-Squat to your
favorite dish... And ZAMMO! It tastes the same!
Got a rusty dorr hinge? Pour Diddley-Squat on it
And POW! Watch it continue to oxidize! Got one of
those seering Migrane head-aches? Take one teaspoon
of our all purpose Diddley-Squat and scream in pain
as your brain melts in your skull! Just listen to
I wuz out by the tool shed and a rattle snayke come
up on me. Wen I went in the trailer, thats wen I done
realized the sumbich hev bit me. I put some Diddley-Squat
on th' bite and the next day went to the docter. Thanks
to Diddley-Squat my muscles hev atrophied an they hed to
amp-u-tate my leg. Thanks Diddley-Squat!
-Merl, Shady Pines Trailer Park, Podunk Mississipi
One time the Boogyman was under my bed and I got the big
can of Diddley-Squat and put it all around my bed and I
heard him laugh and laugh and I screamed and my Daddy came
into my room to see why I was screaming and the Boogyman
ate my Dad! Thanks Diddley-Squat!
-Lisa, Age 5
Yes, Diddley-Squat! It cant do anything that you wont do
for your self.... Now in new re-sealable bag.
(Disclaimer: Diddley-Squat not liable for any loss of limb,
life, sanity, or property. Diddley-Squat may cause rash,
vomiting, emphazema, cancer, and diarhea. Do not use
Diddley-Squat while operating heavy equipment. Pregnant
women should not use Diddley-Squat because it may cause
birth defects. Do not use Diddley-Squat near infant for it
may cause crib death. Do not run with Diddley-Squat. If you
ingest any ammount of Diddley-Squat please seek imediate
medical help. Do not use Diddley-Squat for lubrication
during sex. Diddley-Squat is Highly flammable and should
be kept in a cool damp place between 68 an 72 degrees. If
for any reason Diddley-Squat should begin to shake uncontr-
olably please contact local law enforcement. And above all
remember not to feed Diddley-Squat after midnight.)
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