Str8 Girl, Interrupted

My Life is a Drama....
2001-09-26 09:28:18 (UTC)

What would.....?

What would my life be like had I made different decisions?
I guess, I really don't know, but I could speculate. Would
I still be the scared, confused little girl trapped by my
mother, had I not met Josh, Marc and Chris? Would I still
be there at my mothers house? Would I be like her? I
don't dare say that I could've been more or less happy than
I am now...because I really don't know. I'm just wondering
how my life would be. Would I have wonderful friends, that
even though we have our difference, that love me? Or would
I just be lonely? Would I be frightened by life, people,
and most of experiencing the joys and beauty of love and
friendship. I can honestly say that I've never known love
(from other than family) like the love I get and feel from
these three angels. I never knew that friends could be so
precious and sweet, yet complicated and unreasonable. I
never knew there would actually be someone there when I
loose my job and have no income...or when I try to kill
myself...or just when I'm lonely...or happy and need
someone to tell good news to...or simply watch television
with and feel complete.

I've never been in love. Could the decisions I'm making
right now in present affecting that fact? Or is
it a matter of time? Or have I already passe that
opportunity up? Again, who knows? I guess, all I can do
is wait for something or someone to feel right. Like how I
feel when I'm with Chris, Marc and Josh. It just feels
like it's the exact place and time I should be. That
comfort is what keeps me going...and I always know someone
is there. Will that be what love feels like? Or will it
be more overwhelming and heart-clenching? All questions
that will most definately be answered with time... All I
can do now is sit back and wait, watch, hope, dream and
most of all, love....all those around me who are with me
and love me. Just treasure what I do have, and not take
for granted those things or complain about what I don't
have...because from where I'm sitting right now...I've got
it pretty darn good! :) G'nite all