I'm a girl, not a band!!!
2001-09-26 05:16:05 (UTC)


I am a nice person. I am a good person too. Why do I let
people get to me? It's because I try to please everyone.
This is a very bad thing!! Here's why I'm mad: today I got
a picture of me scanned. I chose the one that I liked the
best and felt the best about. This coming from the girl
with absolutely no self-esteem whatsoever. I did this
because there were some people who kept wearing me down
because they wanted to see what I look like. Well, finally
I showed them and there was absolutely no comment
whatsoever. I mean, I'm not fishing for compliments at
but an "Oh, you look nice" would make me more willing to
talk to them again. Did I get that? Nope. So, this is it.
will not being showing anyone who doesn't know me a
picture. I have such a small amount of pride in myself
I don't need it ruined by insensitive clods who are only
looking for something to jack off too!! I'm so mad!!!
GRRRR!!! I want a relationship. I want to be loved. I want
to love someone. I WANT IT ALL! But I need to change the
way I've been going about it. I've been very wrong in the
past, and it will change. From now on, I vow to be
different!! I hope that writing this for the world (okay,
nobody will every see this. Who wants to read what I think
anyway?) to see that I can keep up my promise to myself. I
will not censor myself anymore. If you don't like
that I say or do, too damn bad. Either take the whole
package or keep on walking. DAMNIT!! I'M STILL FUCKING
ANGRY!! The feeling that I got when that guy told me that
he couldn't approach me because I was too ugly still
lingers. It took me awhile to even realize what he meant.
am such an idiot. You know, I should find that guy and
him out. He deserves it. I didn't do it before. I actually
forgave him. Can you believe it?!!? What kind of a
am I? I AM NOT A GODDAMN DOORMAT! I just want to yell and
break things and cry and scream and beat someone or
something to make this pain that I feel go away! Please,
just get out of me so I can start fresh!!

I'm also angry because I broke my pinky toe on my left
foot today and it's all black and looks like it's going to
fall off and it hurts like a bitch, but that's a whole
other story.