2001-09-26 04:52:09 (UTC)

fear reflection

old me -

Love is the ultimate spiritual expression. It's the one
thing that can swim upstream against the currents of time
and the human condition and its drives. It is expressed
and captured through Romance. It has been glorified but
never captured in a scale comparable to the size it really
is. Love takes two people that give, two people that
recognize that though we live in time (which is a constant
state of flux; always changing) our love will not die or
change - but our preception of it will. You have to be
strong enough - in touch with your real soul enough - to
realize that though this perception changes, it will always
return because it never actually left. If you stir up the
sediment in a lake to the point that you can't see bottom
anymore, it doesn't mean that the bottom of the lake is no
longer there - just that your preception of the bottom of
the lake has been altered. Such is experiencing love. It
only takes one to destroy love if faith is lost. But that
opens up the qustion of was it ever there - illusion versus
reality; tangible versus desirable; real versus ideal....

Love is the commitment to someone else over yourself no
matter what it takes out of you - a commitment you make for
life - even when you are sure that you are wrong. Thats

emerging me -

Love is what is used as a tool of manipulation against
those who actually believe in it. Wasn't I cute when I was
so naive. Like a stubburn idiot - I got knocked down over
and over but somehow kept believing in this stupid shit.
Time to face the facts. I'm such a slow learner. There is
no love. Just promises in the name of to make me suit
someone on my own motivation. Its like you saying that you
love me makes me want to suit you. Romance is the tool of
choice to expres that you want to use me and you want me to
be exploited willingly. You want to make use of me and you
don't want me to resist it. Empty promises that I had
faith and trust in while you take what you want and move on
never looking back, never caring about it again - not a
real feeling in the world.

And I still am foolish enough to think this could hurt
someones feelings.

What about mine. Yours seem to have never been there now -
but I live this in isolation - so if anyone has a problem
with this and wants to scrutinize me - well, ask yourself
what was so damn important about you that was worth putting
me through this?

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