nothin left to say
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2001-02-25 00:08:03 (UTC)

its saturday nite, and guessss..

its saturday nite, and guessss what, im home. great. this
is like what the 4th sat ive been home by myself. i dont
really know y i continue 2 write in this thing, but since
my life's gone from basically great to almost nothing, im
not hurtin no one by writin. you know whats gay, when ur
friends basically stop callin u and talkin 2 u, but
whenever they do, its juss so they can use u. if i were a
stronger person id stand up to them, but im not. like i
said b4 im really insecure. let me get somethin else out
too. my whole life ive depended on my relationships
w/people. my friends u know? whenever i had a problem i had
someone to talk to (not to my friends here, they dont seem
to care anymore, but to like the kids i met over the summer
who live in like jersy and other places in pa). i dont
trust like anyone because ive got all messed up from
trustin people too much and gettin hurt. i know i prolly
should go out to the mall, or go out w/some girl, but all
the people and girls i know, they're in that group and
well, since they all forgot about me well. o yea emily was
talkin 2 me today. she has never talked 2 me unless she
wanted me 2 do somethin. lets see, she wanted me 2 go 2
the formal w/this girl bryn. im like a really nice guy (not
tryin 2 brag or nothin) but this girl is really really ugly
and im not gonna do somethin like that. so i said no. and
jeff, well i hardly ever talk 2 him no more. best friend
for 6 years and now hes off w/out me. shit u know? i cant
ever win. i know everyones like theres no reason that a 15
yr old should kill himself and all that. ive seen suicide
and what it can do to other people. in my school district
we've had 19suicides/deaths in the past 5 years. i know how
people get hurt like taht. but look people just dont seem
to care anymore. ive heard all the talks in school in like
health class that suicide is selfish, its bad blah blah
blah, but like its life. in life u gotta be selfish
sometime. there are those people who are like u shouldnt
kill yourself and give u The Speech. its really nice of
those people but like check it, if ur sayin that then u
prolly havent actually experienced what people who are
suicidal go thru. and ud be surprised whos suicidal. Im
proabably the last person you would think thats thought
about suicide. i have a 3.96 gpa, im awesome at baseball
and other sports, im really nice, and i used to have a lot
of friends i thought i could count on. but w/out my friends
im basically no one. i think of suicide sometimes, and like
whatd i write in my note, but like i know i have at least
baseball to live for. the start of baseball seasons only a
few weeks away. whatever. im gonna go play guitar now.

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