Ducky the Lesbian

useless ramblings of a crazy duck
2003-02-17 17:43:34 (UTC)

after valentines day -- am I enough

OMG.. just for the record i am such an awful g/f i swear i
do the sweetest things sometimes... and then sometimes i
just dont... which one of my good friends ranted about
valentines day in her diary a couple of days ago...
valentines day is fine in someways.. but i completely agree
with her... WHY do we only use 1 day a year to celebrate
all the love.. and to treat our other halves wonderfully..
shouldnt we be loving them completely and all of that 365
days a year instead of 1 day... anyways.. sooo on with
that.. this year is actually the 1st year i have ever
trully HAD a valentine.. ive kind of been dating people
around valentines day.. but we werent serious enough that
we spent that day 2gether.. well this year i had one... my
g/f A. well.. she came down to see me this weekend and she
had me this big box full of stuff... all kinds of things..
for my valentines day present.... now.. keep in mind i had
fully intended on makin her something b/c i am a broke
college student who has no money.... but the 2 weeks before
valentines day.. i had tests, after tests, after papers,
after more papers, after presentations, and projects, and
project proposals, and just hell i havent hardly slept in 2
weeks much have time 2 do anything else... and the only
time i wasnt sleepin or doing school stuff i was on the
phone with her.... sooo i really didnt have the opportunity
to make her anything i tried but i couldnt find the time...
and i had TOLDDDDDDD her not 2 get me anything.... soooo
well how much of an ass do i feel like when she hands me
this box.... full of all kinds of cute lil things... and i
have nothing 2 give her in return... now anything i buy
will not appear like i wanted 2 buy it but that i felt
guilty... when in reality... though i did feel guilty i
wanted 2 get her something before... I love her soo much
and i want her 2 be happy... but i am not.. nor have i ever
been a present giver.. and i dont write letters... or
emails or whatever... like i am just NOT about that... and
i know many of you other people can absolutely support me
there... but.. its not like she bitches if i dont do these
things for her... but @ the same time.. i think she wants
them... *sighs* i dont konw.... like for me all i needed
for valentines day was her... i got that... that was my
best present i didnt expect or particularly want anything
else... though some of the stuff is cute.. and i like it...
i didnt want it... alllll i wanted was her... *sighs*
sometimes i wonder... will just me be enough for her... b/c
i am broke now.. and i will never be rich and i will never
be able 2 just go buy her things... and have her all kinds
of boxes of things... i wonder... if Just me.. is enough

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