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2003-02-17 03:58:40 (UTC)

I always do that

i embarass myself soooo much. i aaaaaaalways make a huge
fool of myself. ALWAYS. AAAHHHHH!!! I WANNA CRAP!!! what
the frig? (i say that all the time, this is the first time
i've said it. ;)) i need to start acting normal... but
being normal is hard. and everyone says "what is normal?"
uhhh... well, anything i'm not is normal, so that's what i
am going to be. i have like a different personality
everyday i swear.

but yea, most people agree indifferently that i am asexual, or a
lesbian. i'd have to say i'm asexual. but there's this guy i
suddenly like. wee, but i don't want to get excited. and i never
talk to anyone about who i like. i have such a strong strong fear of
rejection that i feel it is easier to place and label myself as
asexual than go through the torment of liking someone. and the
problem i think starts in about 6th grade. remember when all the
girls and guys started to notice each other? and they would pass
each other notes and giggle and wink? well, i was the new kid in 6th
grade, and i was the reject. all my friends would have little
crushes and things, and i was just the ugly kid. i've never been
attractive, so i guess i have lacked confidence to ever talk to
anyone i have a *crush* on. and so i never want to like anyone,
because i am so scared that they won't like me in return, i don't
even bother. so that is why i declare myself asexual. wee, go have a