weezer2080

I Feel Like I'm in High School

I really do. And it's all about a boy. I know, I know.
It's just that I don't have the guts to do the adult
thing. Let me start at the beginning, shall I?

I work with this guy. I trained him, actually. He started
mid-December. And I liked him from the moment he said
hello. He's so smart, and funny, and laughs at my jokes
and really sweet. Plus he's a tall redhead and that
garners many points. Well, I found out from the other
people that I work with that he has a girlfriend. He's
been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. He never
told me to my face that he was in a relationship.
Everything that I know about his girlfriend comes from the
other girls I work with. Remember this fact.

I am a touchy feely person. I touch people when I talk,
and hug my friends and so on. But since I like him so
much, and he is committed, I made a conscious decision not
to touch him. But the problem is that he touches me all
the time. Not sexually, but intimately. He seeks me out in
a crowd. It's very strange. I talked to my friend Liz
about it, and she says that it's blatantly obvious that he
treats me differently than anyone else. And others have
told me this as well.

So, he flirts and I don't know where I stand. He puts
karate moves on me too, and one day told me that he fights
with his sister the way he does with me. So maybe he sees
me in a sisterly way and I'm just misinterpreting? Then I
talked to Sarah (my manager) and she said that the fact
that he never brings up his girlfriend to me and talks
about her constantly to everyone else seems like he's
trying to keep me separate from that part of his life. And
if he saw me as a sister, wouldn't he talk to me like
family and talk about his girlfriend?

I don't get it at all. Liz and I even tested him, one of
us on either side of him and he touched me, not her. It's
just so hard to understand. I want to say something, but
first of all I don't have the guts, and secondly, if he
doesn't realize what he's doing, I don't want to freak him
out. I couldn't stand to lose the friendship and what we
have now. So, I'm at a loss. And all of a sudden he
invited me over Tuesday to meet his new kitten. He almost
ordered me to come over after class. So, I'm going to go.
I won't be able to stay long because I have to pick up my
brother from crew practice. So I'll have an excuse to
leave.

So. There 'ya go. And this charade has been going on for
what seems like years. And I feel like I'm playing a game,
and now I don't want to play anymore. I wanna take my ball
and go home. I don't know where I stand and don't know
what will happen if I say something. But how much longer
can I do this to myself?

Why are men so confusing? And why do I care so much?

~L