i've fallen head over heals

the gay/pathetic/boring life of kayla
2003-02-17 02:36:26 (UTC)

god im so stupid!!!..

god im so stupid!!! im so frickin dumb! why? why? why? why
do i always fall for the fucking guys i know i cant have?
why? i mean just like matt and nick i like them so much and
i know that i cant have them! i swear im so dumb! i hate
this?? and i feel like its just cuz im fat and ugly! or at
least thats what i think! everyone says no kayla ur not! ya
right i know people lie! god damn! i hate this everyone
lies to me bout that and i know it! there is only one
person who i know tells me the truth and that is matt
meyer! and to him im an elephant~ god it hurts me when he
says stuff like that but i mean i know its true and im not
gonna stop him cuz i mean i AM fat and i AM ugly! god damn
why cant i just be like ashley paul, or stacy, why the hell
cant i be pretty and skinny like all them other girls!?? i
hate it and then matt goes and tries to make me feel better
bout myself and it works for like 5 min. i dont know maybe
i just shouldnt care no more or just fucking give up on
everything! i just wanna run away and forget about
everything and just i dont care no more! gosh!
anyways
well tonight was ok! but i think i already told u... i dont
know and i dont feel like lookin right now! all i know is i
need someone or something to talk to cuz i dont wanna say
this stuff to matt or nick or anyone and i dont know who is
gonna read this and i dont care but i just think thats what
i look like and its never gonna change....




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