The Bowel Movement
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2001-09-25 18:17:08 (UTC)

Just Leave Me Alone

Note: BREG is the name I am giving Brook and Greg since
they seem to think so much alike.
I'm getting really tired of your attitude (Brook). Just
because you're having problems at home doesn't mean you
need to take it on me. Excuse me if I enjoy being around
Brandon more than I like to be around my other friends most
of the time. There's something about Brandon that normal
friends don't have. Brandon's not just my boyfriend, he's
one of my best friends. Try looking at it that way. He's
not just a guy. I feel more comfortable around him than I
do anyone else in the entire world. I'm free to be myself
COMPLETELY, so don't criticize me for having my head in the
clouds...Being in love makes you feel that way. And when
you're in love, for most people, all you want to do is be
around that person, even if it means that your friends
won't get to see you. Also, maybe the problem isn't just
me, it's my friends too. Maybe you're not understanding
enough, maybe you're too pushy. Greg's always complaining
how I don't call him a lot. I hate him because I never call
him, we never hang out anymore, etc. I'm sorry. It doesn't
mean I don't care, it just means that Brandon is priority
at that time, and if that means most of the time, so be
it. Let me lose all my friends. If you guys don't want to
put up with me, then just forget about me. I'll deserve
it, and I won't blame anyone but myself. And Brook, leave
Brandon out of this. Blame it all on me, but don't you
dare try to blame him for any of it. Don't criticize him
and say he has nothing else to do but see me, and whatever
else you wrote or think. He has lots of friends, and he
sees them at school, and he invites them over. So just
shut up. Brandon enjoys seeing me as much as I like seeing
him, and most of the time - all of the time - he has to be
the one to say, "I have to go home today..." He's more
responsible about that than I am. There's a lot to Brandon
that you and Greg don't see, and you probably never will
unless you stop viewing him as "that guy I'm going out
with" and someone you feel obliged to see because I'm
dating him. I'm tired of you guys (Brook most of the time)
treating Brandon like he's an idiot, like he doesn't know
anything, and like he's the most immature person in the
world. He's a lot more mature than you, Brook, most of the
time, so maybe you should stop criticizing other people,
and direct your insults more towards yourself. Just
because Brandon is 16 doesn't mean he's stupid. Age
doesn't matter. You could be 50 years old, but if you have
lived inside a house all your life, you're going to be
naive and ignorant of lots of things. Whereas a 16 year
old who has had relationships with other people, and has
travelled outside his house, and to other parts of the
world will be much more knowledgeable than that 50 year-
old. Age has nothing to do with it. So just think.
Lately, you've had lots of problems with that integral
function of being human. And fuck you about me talking
about Brandon all the time, and asking you if you want to
go to Brandon's. You bitch. I don't talk about Brandon
all the time, you exaggerate. And if you don't want to go
to Brandon's since I seem to ASK you all the time, then
just don't come over anymore. I'm sure he doesn't want
someone who talks crap about him behind his back over at
his house anyway.
And I don't HAVE to pick Brandon and Valerie up from
school. I do it because I love them both and I know how
crappy a 2 hour bus ride can be. And don't tell me if you
had the choice of getting a ride from someone instead of
riding the bus, you wouldn't jump at the opportunity.
BECAUSE YOU HAVE. The first few weeks of school I picked
you up in the mornings (and sometimes took you home) so you
wouldn't have to ride the damned CAT Bus. I had you give
me gas money; I have Brandon and Valerie help me with
things, like cleaning my animal cages. So just STOP being
hypocritical. So what if Brandon slept in yesterday
morning. He's human, his alarm didn't go off. I can
relate. I offered to give him a ride to school at a time
when his dad was unavailable to give him a ride. When he
awoke, the school bus had already passed his stop, and yes,
if I wouldn't have been there, he would have HAD to get a
ride from his father. But lucky for him I was there, and
that I CARED enough to offer him a ride. Yes, "the loving
girlfriend" is damned fucking straight, Brook. YES I have
a life outside of Brandon. I work, I go to school, I do
chores around the house, I do my laundry, I take care of my
animals, I do my homework, I read books, I watch movies, I
go to the movies, I take my sister places when she needs a
ride, I do nice things for people (that don't include
Brandon), I bought you and Greg birthday gifts even though
I couldn't afford it, I have family problems, I worry about
how I'm going to pay my taxes, I have appointments I have
to go to. I clean my room, I organize my books, my movies,
my CD's, I clean my car, I EVEN CLEANED YOUR CAR, I play
computer games, I LOVE the Sims, I love Diablo II, I take
long bubble baths, I like going to Starbucks alone. I
enjoy being alone. I think about what it will be like to
be a teacher, I analyze my dreams, sometimes I write in my
own journal, I pay my bills, I read my horoscope, I read
Tarot cards, I study witchcraft...All of these things don't
invlove Brandon, yet they are a part of my life...So don't
tell me I don't have a life. Maybe it's just when you guys
want to talk to me, I'm at Brandon's, or I'm out somewhere
with my sister, or I'm in the bath, or my mom is on the
phone. Don't attribute my absence from your lives to
Brandon. My world doesn't revolve around him...He's just
the bigger part of my life. I have hobbies, things I like
doing alone. Don't tell me I don't have life.
So I enjoy telling Brandon goodnight, and vice versa. Is
it a crime? I like his voice to be the last voice I hear
for the rest of the night. And how does THAT affect you?
Does it make you jealous that we love one another so much
that we want to say goodnight to one another when we can't
say it face to face? Maybe it does...because there's not a
reason in the world why that should make you mad. It
doesn't affect you in the least.
go to part 2

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