AllShadows

Watch me lose it...
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2003-02-16 19:35:14 (UTC)

Your not like other 21 year olds...your weird

Listening to : Eminem - Solider
---------------------------------
Had some sort of arugment with "mother." There was a little
snap there but I was able to not get angry. I was saying
how I had been told to have holiday time constantly for
ages and then when I did take holiday time she said to
me "oh..your off this week..I've got some jobs for you."
Blah blah, lots other other words....then her with the
above..."your not like other 21 year olds..your weird..."
I guess its just over a period of time people constant
disgreeing with you on everything it makes you paranoid.
This is my point. Everyway I go..whatever I choose to
do..its wrong. The example above is one simple
thing..."have holiday time" constantly..when i do...work
complain that I've got stuff on and call me
in...and "mother" tries to give me work...weird.
Another example....constantly "get your hair cut...get your
hair cut." Here..at work..everywhere. I do get my hair
cut...then theres 6 weeks of "have you had your hair cut?
haha thats terrible!" and various other jokes. I actually
pointed this out to a humourous Gary one day who said
something along the lines of "ya, but you went a bit far
didnt you and got it cut a bit short." So thats alright
then! Sorry I got MY hair cut too short. Forgot thats
alright then.
I'll write more of these examples down here as they
happen..because they happen regularly...the parking ticket
for example. In that instance, I had any choice of where my
life was leading there taken from me. Don't we learn by our
mistakes...dont we have to do some things for ourselves? At
21 isnt it time I did?
I need to rhyme but I'm having difficulties...its like I
cant think of anything...maybe I can now though..I'll try
again in a while.
I feel close to "losing it." When your mother tells you
your "weird."
I don't know what its going to be like when i do snap.
Maybe I'll just cry...or pass out...or maybe I'll hurt
people...or, my worst thought..I wont snap...and I'll be
like this constantly...always angry about something. That'd
be hell..I feel like its going to stop..kind of like
toothache or a headache...you know that one time it will go
away but you dont know when.
Been writing a letter to send out to get a new job. Need to
get out of this job now and away from Gary and katie and
all of them. Fucking idiots. Things need to change.


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