random scribbles
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2003-02-16 19:33:08 (UTC)

the drugs don't work :-)

[music - one line drawing - mood - quietly relieved]

home at last. wow, this has been a long weekend. i will
go back to the beginning...

woke up saturday morning still feeling really depressed.
got a message from sophie she seemed okish. her, alana,
vicky rachel had organised a party at WKD it was
still going ahead, so i figured she was getting on with
things, which is the best thing to do i suppose.

both the annas came over cause there was no transport
cause of the march and they'd just come from the
we got all our stuff together then headed over to anna a's.
at first we had a good day. we went to sainsburys iceland
bought all the food for our party. we got the alcohol
last so it was on top of the trolley we borrowed, we
had to wheel it back to the house through islington high st,
we got some very disdainful comments looks... "students.
ever bloody heard of alcoholics anonymous?"
on the way back we met yoda, then the 4 of us spent a few
hours sorting things out and baking. yes. the hash
brownies -
this was what was to destroy our evening, but it was fun
baking, other than we made the whole house reek. tammie
turned up too and then after a bit me and anna a needed
some air so we headed out for a quick walk.

we took the trolley back to the shop and we found a skip.
i love skips! i climbed right on in now i've got paint
all over my shoes trousers... but i figure some people pay
hundreds of pounds for designer jeans with similar painty
marks. anyway, most of the stuff had been chucked out of
an art gallery. there were lots of brochures of paintings
and also a huge board and tin of paint. we rescued those
and started painting - we thought about going for a big
'the all new adventures of anna, em nudge...' type
thing with all our reading new year memorabilia stuck
to it, but then some suspicious guy comes out and asks
what we're doing, so we headed home.

people started arriving... it was all fun at first. we
had some vodka jelly and some hash brownies and all
that. then punkanna went upstairs to make a phone call.
anna a must have followed her. then i hear punkanna
yelling "em, get up here!" and i heard screaming, so
i ran up there, and punkanna was holding anna a who
was screaming repeatedly. at first i thought there must
be a huge spider in the room or something, but it
turned out that anna a had just suddenly flipped out.
she went crazy. she was screaming, then she was saying
all this weird stuff, then just lay on the floor
retching. it was like she was having a bad trip... but
we'd all had the brownies and ok we got the hash off
sonny who isnt the most dependable of characters, but
if it was laced with acid or something, it would
have affected us too. its just that anna a has had a
really bad couple of weeks and i think there's some
bigger problem that just got triggered off.

finally, we calmed her down and left her to sleep.
went back downstairs. i mostly hung round with anna a,
rosa ("for me, this situation, its pretty humourous"),
yoda milo. i must admit i was feeling kind of rough
i just wanted to go to be after a bit. too much beer
and hash. and i was pretty worried about anna a. eventually
punkanna and i went upstairs to nap. then edd came up,
saying he wanted to go back to the flat. he was pretty
unhappy which tured out to be because james had also
had a few too many brownies and was similarly in a bit
of a state.

hmm. i'm not sure how everyone left. i fell asleep in
the emo bed. when i woke up, jules, anna a, and rob
were downstairs. rob had a shit night too. i dont
know exactly what happened but it was something
along the lines of got followed around golders
green by a man with a gun. now is it just me, or
is EVERYTHING going wrong at the moment? thank god
michael was ok. or this week would have been
totally fucked up beyond belief. i just feel
like nothing is really working out. even when
things do go right, when i am happy, theres this
shadow of war over us all...

anyway. had a very low key day. tidied up the
place a bit. watched romeo juliet, slept.
i tried to talk with anna and find out whats
so wrong. because something certainly is and
it cant just be the whole man situation. so. we will
try to help her out this week.

i finally left. i felt bad about doing so and i really
hope that she's ok home alone. she isnt online i
wish she was because i hate to think of her on
her own in the dark, its so depressing when your house
has been really busy then its just you left. i should have
asked her over here... i am such an idiot...
well i might go do that now. it just feels really good
to be home and not so depressed any more.