Too Punk To Study

Bored In Riverside
2003-02-16 19:15:51 (UTC)

Ready for change

Just when I thought I was out of the proverbial woods, I get
thrown right back in. I woke up today and evaluated my
possition in the universe and I don't think I gained any
ground yesterday. I'm beginning to get the overwhelming
feeling that no one actually listens or talks to me.
Everyone just says what they need to to get what they want
from me (borrow something, a ride somewhere, etc) but no one
actually cares what I'm thinking or feeling. I just feel
amaizingly used right now. I'm sick of always being a
chauffeur, or a lending bank, or a supplier of random tools
and other objects. I don't know when the last time was that
I actually felt someone was listening to me. Helaena is usually
really good about listening, but she's like the only one. Maybe Jared
(but I can't expect him to totally care, I haven't known him
as long as some of the other people I hang out with). I'm
just really sad right now.

It also doesn't help that I stay up until 2 or 3 in the
morning and then have to get up at 10 for no good reason.
All I want is to be able to do something fun, outside of
Riverside, that doesn't have anything to do with seeing
other people (strangers are ok), and that doesn't have
anything to do with drugs. I can't find anyone who is
interested in doing this with me. I just want to go to San Diego.

I just need something to change. I'm getting really close to
quitting school, leaving Riverside, and moving to ANYWHERE
else. Just heading out to a different town by myself and
starting life over. Because I really hate it here.

I just want out.

Todays Music: Bad Religion - "A Streetkid Named Desire"
Todays Mood: extremely depressed...and blurry eyed




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