PsychoSirus

Inner thoughts of sadness
2003-02-16 18:19:35 (UTC)

I hate this

I just wrote pages and they didn't save. Mother fuckers Im
going to kill you, you ass monkeys. I have every reason to
hate and nothing will change that. NOTHING. I really need
to beat the shit out of something, preferably a person.
Someone that has a worth equivialent to my own. Close to
that of nothing.
He slamed his car door and peeled out of the
driveway. Turned on the tunes and listened to... the
Beatles..... O bla dee o bla da life goes on..... Change
that channel. Dont know what the fuck they are talking
about. Pain envelopes his heart, his soul. But to conceal
it. An arduis task. He drives to his friend's house and
just hangs out. Another friend shows up, then another. Then
her, then him. His outside appearnce doesn't change but his
insides do a rollercoaster of things. He says hi and takes
a step outside. He sits in his car and puts the music
on...."We've come here from so far away, I can save you if
you leave it all behind. This suffering's been far too
long, would you take a trip with me on the back
of a star? I feel like earth's gravity is just here to pull
us down!"
If that isnt a kick in the nuts, he turns the music
off, and looks back to the house. He pulls out of the drive
way, and heads towards his place. Looking over the side of
the bridge he takes a deep breath in and sits on the ledge.
Smiling he looks around to see if anyone is near by, and
there isn't. He kicks off his shoes and socks and watches
them drift to the water far below. He stands up and
prepares to jump. But no.... cant do that. He gets back in
his car and drives off. He laughs. tears stream from his
eyes, and he looks around. Confusion reigns supreme in him.
Why should he care what people do or think? Why does he
care so much for others, why hasnt he ever thought to be
selfish, and to think only for #1. It must be that he hopes
that human kind can pull out of the gutter. Lives dropping
to worthlessness. People being sinister. The human race is
nothing to look foward to. So the caring must be to hope
for a better future, hope that people will change. But to
what avail? there is no cause that will change people.
People need to realize what they are doing and see it in
them selves to change. He cries for the loss of the race.
People will be the death of them selves. Drying his eyes he
decides, now is the time to think for him self. NO more
caring. His soul is wracked with pain, so to become souless
will render him painless.Life will go on. ut with out
emotions, with out happiness, without pain. With nothing
and no one. Life has died in him. No all there is to live
for is death, which isnt living.He sees this and doesn't
care.
Why? Why live through any of this only to be
consumed with powerful feelings? The human race is flawed,
in so many ways. One way is emotions and feeling.
**yea Ummm sorry, that was crap, you really shouldn't have had to
read that**

~~Sirus




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