maci

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2001-09-25 13:34:04 (UTC)

GRRR!

Stupid father fucking GRRRR!!! I was all set to go out
tomorrow. I was going to the city with ppl. Mum was in bed
so i decided to be nice for once and let dad know what I
was up to so i asked him about it. Bad move, VERY bed move.
I'm not allowed to go coz i 'don't look to good'. Wtf is
that supposed to mean!?! Don't look too good? It's fucking
bullshit! Then I asked for an explanation of that and he
started saying some cult shit about 'the level' that had
nothing to do with it. I heard him through, i thought it
might come to something. It didn't of course. Just some
fucked up shit that he thinks makes him sound good and is
totally BULLSHIT!

I want to leave! I don't want to be here!

I'm crying now. He's sleeping in the room behind me coz my
brother is sick and sleeping with mum. He just made some
roaring noise. I'm fucking scared. I hate how much he
scares me. Inflicting pain on someone when they're young
can gain a lot of power. Power by way of fear. That's the
most pathetic thing to have over a child i've ever fucking
heard of! I feel so alone. I feel so small.

"I feel it would not make you happy to go out tomorrow".
That's a load of it! He doesn't know what makes me happy.
He doesn't even know me! He's never home! But yes according
to him he does know everything about me coz i'm part of
him. Yeah maybe like 17 FUCKING YEARS AGO! He lost that
when he ejaculated! And anyway personaluty etc is created
mostly by the environment around u not the fucking smirm
that made your mother preg!

I hate this, being controled by someone who doens't know
you because they think they know everything about
everything. ARRRG!

Just a toy, made to amusse you, to use and then put back on
a shelf, so high i can't get down, but i can jump and I can
fall. Have fun now daddy coz pretty soon I won't come
running when you call.


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