paramour

A Paramour's Secret
2003-02-15 04:48:28 (UTC)

SICK

I am at my mom's house. I would go off about how my eye
hurts and how cold it is up here, but i took a few breaths
and think i am okay. But...I don't know what to do anymore.
I mean, I tried to eat dinner tonight and I just through it
up. Like I was actually sick to my stomach. But I
wasn't...I know I am not sick. That is what scares me. I
mean it isn't like I am sticking my finger down my throat
like I used to...I don't do that anymore. The scarey thing
about all this is, my mom pretty much convinced me I was
fat. She is telling me I SHOULD stop eating, have a few
healthy things everyonce in awhile, but other then that, to
just not eat. I don't understand. I mean, before last
weekend, I was getting better. I REALLY WAS. Now though,
things have gone totally down hill. My dad beating me, him
convincing me it was my fault...I thought it wasnt' but the
more I think about it the more I convince myself that is
was. Then I cut again, I am so sorry I did it too. But now
my own mom convinced me to stop eating. Jesus Christ, I am
sick, this whole thing is just sick




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