of the last

of the last
2003-02-15 03:32:32 (UTC)

hallmark greetings day....spent with winnie =) and some guilt trips

today ended up being great. i skipped play practice to
spend my v-day with the girl i love more than i can begin
to say. we went out to sushi at her fav sushi
place, "Narita Sushi" her and her friends know the owner by
name and he recognizes them all cause they are there so
often. good times. then we came back to my house and just
held close watching shanghai noon. then was upstairs for
some fun. valentines day is a day created entirely for the
betterment of greeting card companies, but truthfully i
dont care. to me all it is is another chance to try and
spoil winnie and treat her as good as i possibly can. i was
exstatic to see winnie for like 4-5 hours today. then i
dropped her off at work. went home, rachel and i then went
out to the mall. we saw chris there and mike, and bobby
blaze, and then...finn. at first i thought he was still
friends with winnie (found out later that she doesnt really
like him and i found out why tonight just by being around
him). that boy needs to be dragged outside and beaten like
a red headed step child. first off, he wouldnt stop
following me and rachel. i thought we had lost him and then
thump thump thump there he is right next to us. if i heard
him talk about boobs one more time i was gonna punch him in
the face. i mean at first i was like, haha thats a pretty
funny thing........then id tune him out, and then when i
started paying attention again, he was still talking about
boobs. then he started tryign to hit on rachel like really
annoyingly. "oh yea by the way, your boobs are nice and
big...OH DID I SAY THAT" i was like im going to kill you. i
just appoligized to rachel for exposing her to him cause i
had no idea how bad he was.
any time i could talk to rachel without fagnuts hearing me
she was talkign about tongue piercings, which was funny as
hell. its like her fetish. she got so horny about some guys
i knew who had tongue rings. it was good times.
then we went to fast wok to visit winnie. she agreed that
he was annoying and completely perverted, and that he calls
like every weekend. so if i see him again, im gonna
basically verbally rape him. tell him hes an annoying
perverted bastard who needs a life and better stop
bothering my gf because she completely does not enjoy all
the annoying pestering that he does. and then continue to
make fun of hime for anything else i think of at the time
which will be plenty.

yea so with winnie yesterday there had been something she didnt want
me to know, and i ended up drawing it out of her. then i fealt like
shit cause i was like, wow she really didnt want to talk about it,
and then i kinda drew it out. she says its allright but im like, i
kinda hate myself for that. though in some ways its good, because i
feel like she can tell me just about anything now. as i feel i can
tell her ANYTHING. i feel so bad about it. im weird like that, some
things will completely adn utterly piss me off and almost disturb me
for a logn time, and then it just kinda dissapates. now im pissed
that im so pissed about it. its like a terrible never ending circle.
but now im sitting here and thinking about it as, its the past. adn
theres stuff that ive told winnie about my past that prolly make her
feel the same way as i do about this. and im like, its the past for a
reason.
i truly hate myself for what i do and think sometimes. fuck myself,
it sucks how i feel about myself.

ah but i must end this rant with talking about winnie. so
yesterday winnie and i went and picked up her friend jana from the
airport cause they havent seen eachother in a while. i was glad to
see winnie happy, as long as winnie is happy, the world could be
ending and id be smiling. there was other stuff that i was gonna
write in here but forgot on way home from gas station trip which
interupted this entry a little while ago. and i end the enry with
this. i heart winnie and she hearts me, so could the world be any
better i ask? not as long as it stays in this gear. i love winnie,
and happy vday to everyone out there whos head over heels like myself.


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