Attie's Path
2001-09-25 00:28:11 (UTC)

MJ and me

I'm not addicted to the drug, I'm sure of that much.

I went for months without thinking about it.

I'm not afraid to not smoke.
I'm afraid to leave the lifestyle.

We must change and live on...and I seem to think moving to
California (now only days away) was going to solve that for
me, but it isn't. I have to choose between my shitty little
egotistical pleasures and what I really want to do with
life. The past 6 months I've been trying to do both...and
it's weakened my resolve to save money. I still have plenty
to move, but It's time to throw the numbers at myself and
face facts...

I would have almost $700 more If I hadn't smoked over the
past year.

This isn't as bad as it could have been had I really broke
loose... still, regret finds it's way into a cave in my

Another lesson. If we cannot see the fault of our actions
through the consequences they bring, we must increase the
consequences to make our actions more apparent.

I will move to California...
losing everything but a lone guitar if I must.

The pain of my actions is the pleasure of thier lessons.

Learn, Addison, and you will heal.
Trust, Addison, and you will love.
Act, Addison, and you will prosper.

I will.