Scenes from a Marriage
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2001-09-25 00:23:58 (UTC)

Monday, September 24th

Well, I think the honeymoon phase might be over. Hubby is
starting to go back to acting the way he was before, he
does not seem to want to talk to me, he wants sex when he
wants it, and I told him this chick e-mailing me was making
me crazy. He finally helped me write her an e-mail last
night, all it said was "We have been advised by our
attorney to have no contact or communication with you", I
just felt I needed to do something before she started
calling the house and our son ending up talking to her.
The lawyer is not much help, he said "change your e-mail",
but that is not the point I refuse to let this OTHER WOMAN
run my life. I use my e-mail for many things, and it would
be a major problem to change it and I am not going to give
her the pleasure of thinking she forced me to do something
that I would not have done. We have a "pre-trial
conference" with this lawyer on Saturday and I hope that he
does something to impress me, because right now I am not!!

One of my girlfriends and I were talking about BAM today,
she said that it was obvious only to those who knew me best
that I like him. She said that no one would blame me if I
left hubby, because of what he has done. She said that I
must really love him in order to accept the things that he
has done and be seeking full custody of a child he had with
another woman. I feel like a BIG jerk if I say I never
want him to see his kid, but then again, I just want my
life to go on like it is---and it won't if I have this baby
as a constant reminder of what he did. I know I have said
it is about the child having the best home, but it is about
me and my happiness also. But, then again is the constant
reminder in the child support he pays to her each month,
money that we could have spent on things we wanted to do
that will go to her because he made the choice to have sex
with her, and she made the choice to lie and say she was on
birth control, and she got pregnant.

Maybe I need to go out of town by myself this weekend, just
to think for awhile. I have been going so full-speed in
this direction or that, that I don't really know if I have
thought things through completely. I mean, by saying I will
take full custody, I am agreeing to spend the next 18 years
with him and God only knows what else he could find to do
in those next 18 years.