Diary of Stuff (Volume I)
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2003-02-14 07:39:47 (UTC)

Worthless forms

I was remarking to myself,

"Man, what happened...?"

I used to be able to immerse myself into whatever artwork
that I saw as "intriguing", that permitted me to experience
awe and wonder, and a pleasant nudging of the senses...,
and now, my head is stuck up in a place "where the sun
don't shine"... Depression? Gimbal lock of the mind? I
don't know...this may need further meditation...

My mind, really, is a jumbled mess...
I am wearing a black t-shirt that I got from OTS a couple of years
ago...and guess what, I can almost instantly pretend that I am still
going through training....isn't that weird?! Just looking down my
arms, and seeing the black cloth contrasting sharply with my pale
white (and dry) skin instantly brings back an instinct
to "do"! ...just like I "did" at OTS....

I am off for the next couple of days from work, and find it amusing
how I try to structure my time during my "off" period...weird, you'd
think that I could just go down to the nearest quickie-mart and buy
some booze and chug-a-lug away....but that isn't me, I drink coffee,
and wonder how I could best effectively utilize this "free" time, and
instead realize that this task in itself is sooo convoluted, that I
just do "whatever" watch tv...

Can't get 'Spaceboy' from Crapping Pumpkins out of my head, for some
reason, and I took a look at the lyrics, and I just could not figure
out what it was saying...weird....he misses his spaceboy?.....I dunno

There is this program that I wanted to continue working on, but I
lost interest in it, how the design aspect of it was just killing any
creative joy that I wanted to derive from it, until I thought,
instead of using practical (and uninteresting) variable names, why
not use characters out of the 'Stormbringer' rpg rulebook that I got,
and replace generic terms such as 'objects' with 'Pyaray', and I
thought, this could be good...