Place To Vent
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2003-02-14 07:27:14 (UTC)

2/13 Feelin' Sick To My Tummy

my head hurts...and i feel sick to my stomach. another
valentine's day is here and guess where i'll be? at work!
thank goodness for that though. better than sittin in front
of the tv and cryin my eyes out for not havin a special
someone. oh well, it'll happen someday...when i'm old and
wrinkly and only blind grandpas will like me. yea you'll
see me in my wheelchair next to my man with the seeing eye
dog. lol.

as you can see, i don't think that much of myself. my self-
esteem is like ::plane crashing sound:: down in the ground
and buried 100 ft under. i think i'm worthless most of the
time. sounds sad, but it's true. i don't think i'm that
pretty, i've got weight issues, i think i'm stupid, and
besically destined to be alone for a really long time. like
i said...i'm marrying a blind grandpa! i think i do a damn
good job at pretending i'm okay with myself. especially at
times like this i tend to joke about it but really i'm
hurting inside. it's not like i need a guy to make me feel
better but just understand EXACTLY how i'm
feeling. it's a lot of things...being alone, having friends
who are loved by somebody, and not being happy with who i
am. i can think of about 1000 negative things to call
myself. then on top of that i ask myself about 10,000 times
a day "wut's wrong with me?" gosh, i dunno. well i guess
i'll go to bed now. everybody have a great valentines and
don't have to much sex. be safe! xoxo - drela