Diwata

Soiled
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2003-02-14 05:31:22 (UTC)

i was denied everything

NOEL left the next morning. Enrique looked grim while
watching the chauffered car speed off the dusty, bumpy
road.

I tentatively stood behind the lover of my soul and placed
a hand on his shoulder. "Enrique," I began softly. "Would
you like to go to the market with me?"

He slowly shook his head. "I think I'll stay behind today,"
he said. "Your father might need help."

I nodded. "Okay," I said and turned to go to the kitchen.

"Hey," he said, his back still turned to me. "Don't let
Noel's words affect you. Okay? Please?"

I took a deep breath. "Of course," I said, although my
heart constricted from remembering all the painful words
that Noel said. The painful yet oh so truthful words that
he said.

I walked to the kitchen and silently gathered my things.
Enrique still stood at the door, looking out to the fields.
He was disappointed and angry. Noel had been one of the
most passionate and steadfast members of the group. Nobody
understood what made him turn his back.

I was about to leave the house when Enrique reached out an
arm and wrapped it around my waist. He pulled me close and
placed a kiss on my cheek. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," I whispered back and slowly broke loose
from his arm. I walked to the road and began my journey to
the market. My thoughts were racing, turning Noel's words
over and over in my head. I was hurt, scared, and lost.

The sun bore down on me. It was true that I was not rich.
It was true that I was not intelligent. It was true that I
was not beautiful. BUt I loved Enrique. Would I lose him
because I loved him?

He was with me, yes. But how long would he be with me? Was
he with me because of the novelty of the idea? Would he
tire of me one day? Would he run back to his city girls?
THe rich, beautiful women who pleasured him and fondled
him? Would he one day realize that the life he could get
from me was nothing except for a few hundred pesos and
simple planted food? Love and a simple-minded woman?

I could not stop the tears from slipping through my eyes.
It rained in my vision. I was denied luxury, comfort and
education. Now I was about to be denied love and the man
that I longed to be with for the rest of my life. I was
denied everything.


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