*MS JLYN*

*ALL CRIED OUT OVER U*
2001-09-24 19:03:18 (UTC)

9-24-01

Well, school was boring as always. Man, next week is our
Homecoming week and it will be my last one :( I do plan
to have a lot of fun!!! Anyway, things that I've been
pondering on: Okay, where are my tickets to a Clemson game?
Umm...I was promised some tickets and I haven't seen any
yet. And this weekend they are playing GA Tech and Leroy is
giving a whole bunch of his friends some tickets....what
about me? Am I not his friend. See, when I think about
stuff like this I kind of contemplate whether or not he is
a true friend to me. Like, this is one of those "down
times" because Leroy is not on my favorite list right now.
I don't know why I go through all this mess over him. I
DON'T KNOW. I reread the email he sent me Friday about
seeing him and I misunderstood it thinking he said he would
only be able to see me after the game...boy was I wrong. He
was saying that he couldn't see me after the game....so he
already had plans. OKAY...I feel stupid. There's this part
of me that says to just move on with life. I mean, I'm not
stuck on Leroy(despite the fact that I'm always writing
about him)....I'm stuck on him in the way that I want him
to be my first. Now, I don't know. I don't know how a gut
feeling of knowing it is suppose to be him has now gone to
I don't think so. I care for Leroy....probably more than
any other female has for him. I probably love the damn boy
more than his own mother! But I can't keep letting myself
be in this spot. He didn't put me in this spot. I don't
blame him. I can only blame myself. I need to let myself
love someone else(try to at least) and see if what I think
I have for Leroy is true. I hope I'm making sense. It's
going to be hard though. I've never been the type of female
to just keep a boyfriend...other than middle school, but
that was typical at that age. I don't call myself depending
on any dude. I just hate the feeling of knowing that I
can't flirt freely. Hey, maybe I should just stay single
forever! Naw....lol. But I need to go out and find out
answers and the only way to get them is to experience
something other than what I already know. Yeah, that didn't
make sense...I know! *J*