Experience, Strength, & Hope
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2001-09-24 15:11:13 (UTC)

It's still early...

Well, let's see... Friday night David and I had the girls.
We all went to Chuck E. Cheese which turned out to be a
good idea since I was still recovering from the sting of
the apartment business falling through. We got dinner and
a bunch of tokens, and Regan was really fun. She was
playing games and riding rides, and we were eating when the
big mouse came out for a birthday party. She got down from
the table and was pointing at Chuck E. and saying "What's
THAT?!" over and over. Then she went up to him and hugged
him... so much sweet innocence and no fear. Sometimes I
fear my heart will explode with Love for her. She followed
Chuck to the front of the room and participated in the
whole show, dancing, stomping, and clapping. She was just
a load of fun all night. We came home and went to put her
to bed and she went down quietly but then she started
crying and she had chugged a whole bottle of milk then
stood up and puked. It was a mess... all over her, the
sheet, the playpen, and the beloved blankie. It was a long
night and we tried to get her down 2 more times before I
finally called Dave and asked him if he was in any
condition to come and get her so she could sleep in her own
crib. He had been over at my cousin's Ex-boyfriend's house
and all they ever did together was smoke pot so I'm sure he
was stoned, but he said he was fine. When he got here and
took her I know he was baked and I could smell alcohol, but
I'm so sensitive to that now that I could smell a drop
alone, so I wasn't too worried about it. He's always been
able to function baked. So Medgie went home and Kyli
stayed here with us.

Saturday morning we built another list of apartments to
look at and then took Kyli home. We spent the entire day
looking from RB to Mission Valley. We saw one we liked a
lot in Penasquitos, and we ended up going back there at the
end of the day and filling out the applications. We showed
the guy the credit reports from the other place and told
him our story before we did it, he was pretty reassuring.
So we went ahead... we had to supply some more information
which we faxed over yesterday. This lady called and told
us the apartment we originally applied for was not going to
be available and asked us if we were interested in this
other one, a little more expensive but upgraded. David and
I decided we'd take it, but the guy who needed to approve
us hadn't been in yet so I asked him to call but didn't
hear back... so at this point, I am hoping to get a call
this morning. I have been doing more praying lately, but
I'm trying to just pray for God's will for me and the power
to carry that out. Whatever God's will is for me, is what
I want and what I will follow. Not always happily or
joyfully, but I will, because I believe that God has a
better plan than I do. Saturday night we went to a Speaker
Meeting in P.B. After that we were heading over to Salo's
birthday party and we had David's guitar in the trunk. We
were talking about God (again) and I said something about
David's brother that must have really upset him because he
REALLY barked at me... I asked him if he could imagine
never believing in God, just thinking that there's nothing
out there, then going through something like his brother
dying... going through that without God. He yelled at me
something like "Do you know what it's like to spend every
day of your life with someone and then lose them?! I don't
think that you do!" I guess what I said just made him hurt
and he was pissed at me for that. I didn't mean to hurt
him, and I hardly ever bring up Ralph, but I didn't know
the subject was tabboo. I sulked for awhile and then he
was all apologizing and stuff... he didn't want to go to
Salo's party after that, but he told me that his younger
brother Hector was having a party and he wanted to go
there. I was a little annoyed that he didn't tell me about
it earlier... he wants to be included in everything where
I'm concerned but he only tells me select things about what
goes on with him... since he had decided not to go earlier
(completely on his own) he didn't tell me about it. Now
that he wanted to go... well, it wasn't worth it so I
didn't persue it, I just wanted him to be happy. So we
went down there for a bit but it really wasn't our scene,
everyone was just hanging out and drinking. This makes me
feel really uncomfortable because I keep thinking that
David would be drinking too if he weren't with me... then I
am the total outcast and he and I are all standing out big-
time... I don't know. We left and went to get something to
eat but first we stopped into F-Street and got a few
things... I wanted to get these body paints and we got some
body dust that's really sweet and yummy. We went to the
Hard Rock and ate. We had a couple of non-alcoholic beers
and that was cool, they were good! Then we went home and
played.... (don't ask).

Sunday we faxed those papers over to the apartment people
and then picked up Regan. Kyli was not prepared to
go 'cause she was screwing around so she didn't get to
come. Regan was playing with Dave in the street and I got
out of the car and she ran to me... her face was all
scratched and bruised up! He told me he'd gone to my Dad's
the day before (Oh, yippee... I'm sure he had a lot of
wonderful things to share with my Dad) and she fell in his
backyard... HARD. Yeah, no shit... she looked horrible.
And she had snot all over her face and her hair was a mess
and she was wearing these shorts that don't fit her and are
too tight... anyway, we took her for the day and had a
blast with her (she was very good for us and took a good
nap) then we took her home and went to church. After
church we went to dinner with Frank and Jessica (they're in
the church band too), then we were both feeling kind of
funky and we rented a movie and came home. Now you know
about our whole weekend, and I'm tired of typing and I'm
going to get my day going!

...God, please grant me knowledge of your will for me and
the power to carry that out. Please give me strength,
hope, encouragement, and understanding...

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