Book of Suicide
2003-02-13 20:28:30 (UTC)

accepting pain

that's it. i can't deal with this. every day i wake up,
every hour that goes by, every step I take, every breath
consumed, let it be over, let me wither away to nothing,
let me just disappear. no one will understand, no one
wants to understand. it's not worth it. i just want to
slash my arm completely open and let the blood pour out of
me into a puddle of worthlessness that once filled me to
the brim. i want to cry and cry and let my misery mingle
with the puddle of worthlessness. i'm so tired, i just
want to sleep forever. it hurts so much, i just want to
overdose on drugs. this life has broken me into a billion
tiny pieces that have gotten swept under the carpet and
ignored. and from a corner where i weep, i look into
people's eyes and see nothing but pain drenching their
souls. i don't understand why this feeling keeps haunting
my thoughts and heart. i don't understand, but i'm willing
to accept it as thus. in accepting pain, i accept death,
and in death i find peace.