csadler

"i am a nightmare walking, psychopath talking..."

I am a nightmare walking - psychopath talking
king of my jungle - just a gangster stalking
Living life like a firecracker - quick is my fuse
Then dead as a deathpack - the colors I choose
red or blue cause a blood - it just don't matter
Sucker die for your life with my shotgun scatters
we gangs of C.A. will never die....just multiply

Colors - Ice T

i had this song in my head for some reason at work
yesterday (which flew by fabulously...i'm going in with
a "fuck everything bad, i'm having a good day" attitude
every day)...going back to my late 80s/early 90s rapper
days :) so i learned a lesson this morning...i was
downloading some weezer and ice-t from limewire and trying
to do 100 things at once and my f***ing computer locked
up...limewire is a *resource hog*. so i had this great
journal entry typed out and it all got erased :) ah
well...i think i'll have to use the "save" function and
then go back and "edit"...the only problem is that if
anyone reads this, they'll get half finished thoughts which
is never a good thing :) so last night i was messaging
with heather and she said that the 4 of them (heather, jim,
jen and clayton) decided in the car that i should either
move to toronto or hook up with vicki (her cousin)...i
laughed and said "doesn't vicki have a boyfriend?" yeah
but i think you'd be a good match. lol...that's her
cousin...heather was in a naughty mood last night...so i
told her i wasn't down with opp :) that's another song i
should download...after i finish today's entry of course
lol. so i believe in fate, but in the back of my head i
think that maybe fate is coincedence, but of course we
won't know that until we're dead right...either there's
heaven or we're just worm food at the end, but i figure
i'll believe in heaven just in case. :) anyways, there's
one other diary here that i read here, because basically
it's a love story and this person seems so happy which is a
nice change from the other doom and gloom stuff that seems
to be rampant here. anyways, for some reason or another
this person seems to be going through a tough time so she
writes out this poem "i am woman and i am phenomenal" or
something like that...amanda used to quote that poem over
MSN when she was feeling down or sad or whatever, so
(prodded by fate/coincedence and my new "life is good and
i'm gonna make everyone feel that way too attitude" :) i
responded back to the diary entry (i've never done this
before) and tried to give a few words of
encouragement...good things happen to good, honest people,
everything will work itself out, and such. i hope that she
appreciates this and it gives her one more reason to smile
today. i believe that, because i'm a good, honest person
(i think anyways :) and i believe that good things will
happen to me. maybe pat was right, maybe i didn't love her
because this is easier to get over with then i
thought...maybe it's just a relief to my heart knowing that
we won't get back together...you know the confusion is gone
etc. or maybe i'm just in denial :) in any case, jeezus
i'm up early today! i don't have to be in for work till
4...what am i going to do today? maybe just go outside and
enjoy life...god knows it's gonna be snowing soon enough :)

so i worked out a plan to actually go home for christmas
this year (i haven't been home since *last* september over
a year). last year i had to work christmas day which sucks
ass...and i checked the calendar and christmas is tuesday
and boxing day is wednesday so i was thinking about taking
off christmas and boxing day and then bussing home
christmas eve after work. i get thursday and friday off so
that way i could get tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday
off. i could catch the latest bus on monday (if possible)
they could pick me up in toronto and then i could take the
latest bus home on friday and go to work saturday. we'll
see. of course this is the backup plan for the worst case
scenario...hopefully i'll be working somewhere else and
i'll be able to go home without taking days off :) we'll
see...

well i think that's enough for today...i've started
drinking diet pepsi again and as a result i don't dream
anymore...so i can't even share that anymore :)

till next time...

craig :)