My Heart and Soul....
2003-02-13 17:01:52 (UTC)

Jenn and Josh.....

Well.........Josh came over Friday night. We went to a
basketball game together, then he came back here and chilled
out with Sara, Martin, Court, Karin and I. It was actually
fun. He and I talked a lot. He said that he had been talking
to his ex, and she was asking what was going on between us,
and told him that we had better figure it out, or quit
seeing each other. Well that got me all upset, and I was
crying for a while, because, well I like him, and I know he
likes me, but with my feelings for David, I just wasn't
sure. So I told him I needed time to think about it. He was
fine with that.

Saturday Court and I went to the cheerleading competition.
That night we were supposed to be meeting Josh at the Haunt.
But then Karin was feeling sick, and court didn't want to
go, and Gaby couldn't go. So I called Josh pretty upset and
left him a message to call me back. When he called, I
convinced him to come over to see me. He got here, and we
spent a long time talking. I decided that I was better off
at giving happiness a shot, then spending my last 6 months
in NY being sad over David, especially since he doesn't want
to give me the time of day. Maybe if he had made some
indication in the last couple of weeks that he wanted
something between us more than just a couple phone calls a
week, then maybe I would have done things different. But I
thought about it, and decided that giving Josh a chance was
the best thing for me right now. So, we have been hanging
out a lot, and we talk every night. I'm going to meet his
family this weekend. (which I will admit is moving a LITTLE
fast for me, cause we've only been together like 2 weeks,
and he wants me to meet his family. but whatever)

And I haven't talked to David. I doubt that he knows we are
together, since apparently Josh didn't even tell his
roommate yet, and he's the only one that would have talked
to David. I don't know what he's gonna say. I'm sure he's
gonna pretend like he doesn't care. Maybe he really doesn't
care. I don't know. I just think that I need to come to
grips with me feelings for him before I try to get to
serious with Josh. Because I know right now, I am and will
hold back on my feelings for him, because I do stil care for
David. and that is SO hard for me. I can't even explain it
to you. If you've ever loved someone totally and completely,
then you'll understand.

School..... :- i haven't been this week. I've been feeling
shitty. Had the flu the beginning of the week, and didn't
go, and then you know how I get. Once I don't go for a
couple days, then I just don't want to go at all. So I think
I'll stay home the rest of this week, get all my work
tomorrow, get caught up over break, and hopefully with
Spring being on the horizon this depression will start to
dissipate, and I'll be able to start functioning again. I HOPE!

Last night Tj came to see me. I guess someone called him and
told him whats been up with my life lately. He was pretty
mad at me for messing up so bad. He and I went out to
dinner, and then to see Court, and had a nice long talk. I
miss him. I love him to death, and it means a lot to me that
he's looking out for me.

Family. i don't know. Aunt Barb and Unlce bill are always
looking out for me. And gram is on my case a lot. Dad is
being as uninvolced as possible. I haven't told him that I'm
not going into the army yet. I think thats one of those
things that I'm going to wait to tell him. I don't even know
right now.

I told Tj last night. Even if I don't get into FL state, I'm
still going down there. I'll spend a couple of weeks down
there this summer looking for a job near a community
college, and I'll go there for a year and go to school part
time, and work. I've always wanted to just go out on my own,
and be doing things for myself. I want and need that

ok, this has gotten really long, and I have work to get
done. So I'm going to get out of here.

I love you all! **BIG KISS**