2001-09-24 07:34:58 (UTC)


I'm sick of school, but who isn't right? I often wonder why
I'm here in the first place. Is it because it makes my
family happy? Or because going to college is just what
people do after high school? I don't know, but I don't
think that's it. I wanted this, I wanted to come here. I've
always been a good student, but I seem to have run out of
gas and I don't know how to get my motivation back. Maybe I
just wised up and started thinking. Thinking about the
reasons why instead of just doing and achieving for no
reason with no real satisfaction in doing it. But in any
case, it's messing me up. I don't know what to study,
everything interests me but nothing captures me. Except for
music. I've wanted to be a musician since I started to play
the flute when I was nine. But it seems like such a bad
choice. I don't think I'm talented enough to make a career
out of it, but I can't imagine my life without creating
music. So what do I do? Do I throw my life towards a
hopeless passion without direction or future, or do I pick
something less satisfying and leave the options open for my
life? All I know is that I need to figure it out soon
before whatever flame is left in me dies out in misdirected